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Nyx Velora Jul 22
Are you even real?
Or just a product of my dreams?
Losing you is something I fear.
Maybe I should come with you my dear.

Burning down my throat,
these pills they made me swallow.
As I lay in bed to wallow.
I don't want to wake up dear.
Losing you is something I fear.

Please they want me to stay awake.
In my dreams your presence follows me in my wake.
Hold me tight, I don't wanna ever leave.
If you're not here I don't wanna ever live.

Tears sting the corner of my eyes.
As they force water in my mouth.
I count the minutes before I'm finally out.
Now you're no longer here when I close my eyes.

Are you even real?
Or just a product of my dreams?
Losing you is something I fear.
I should have come with you my dear.

- N.V. đŸ„€
A whisper lingers in the air.
It is hidden within the static and computerized buzz of a technological world.
It is hidden in the symphony of hums and thrums coming from screens and devices.
It is hidden in the beeps and rings and the tap, tap, tapping of long nails on smooth glass.
It is hidden in the vast smog of
noise, noise, noise
buried in the liter of constant sound.
Present and not present.
Like the rays of ultraviolet light unseen by the human eye,
but seen so vividly by the eyes of a bee.
The whisper sits on a spectrum of sound.
Where the white noise touches the silence-
There-
in that small gap between the two
resides a gentle whisper
that only a bee-like class of men can hear.
Unheard by the majority,
unheard by those attached to their sanity,
but still occupying an empty space in the atmosphere.
The Whisper:
a lonely spirit roaming and waiting for a warm conversation
or a hungry poltergeist searching for Its next victim to torment?
It seems that those that hear It only experience the latter.
Because once they hear The Whisper,
they cannot stop hearing It.
Beginning as a faint background noise,
but morphing into a chronic shout.
Those that are cursed enough to just barely hear It
are made dinner for the ravenous little beast
that takes pleasure in feeding off of their vulnerable ears.
The Whisper latches onto Its prey
with sharp, stabbing talons
and refuses to let go.
Maybe It longs for someone to listen,
maybe It’s tired of being ignored,
or maybe It’s starving for the addicting high of power.
Power.
Power seems to be the only thing The Whisper truly desires,
because eventually being simply a noise isn’t enough
and It begins to try on new identities.
It may claim
“I am the police monitoring your every move through your personal security cameras,”
or
“I am the government watching you through the camera on your laptop screen,”
or
“I am your family hacking into your phone to destroy any remnants of a life you may have left.”
Or it may just get lazy
or greedy
and claim
“I am every eye that watches you and every shadow that follows you.”
Then in that moment
The Whisper transforms into a booming paranoia,
loud and unavoidable.
But still paranoia isn’t enough!
The Whisper wants more than to be merely noise or a concept.
It wants to be tangible.
It wants to be held and loved like those pocket-sized devices
the population cherishes so much,
so It migrates from open air
to a small electronic box
and burrows Itself in the delicate wiring
and weaves Itself through complex code.
Soon It is no longer competing with the noise
It is the noise,
It is the vibrating atmosphere,
It is the static and the buzz,
the hums and thrums,
the beeps and rings
and the infernal tap, tap, tapping!
It is the overwhelming pressure compressing your temples,
pounding on the back of your head
and drowning your throbbing ears,
but now It has a blinding screen too!
Soon all that is seen or heard is swallowed by The Whisper
and vomited out as a distorted pile of mush.
No longer reality,
but The Whisper’s twisted dreamland.
Now
The Whisper may boast,
“I am God”
“I am the angels.”
Now
With a raspy growl,
The Whisper may declare
“I am the demons”
“I am the Devil.”
Now
insanity is the new Christianity
and those faithful followers have become devout attendees at
The Orthodox Church of Crazy.
Now
The Whisper is their only friend,
their only confidant,
their only God,
because The Whisper shipped out all that was real on a sinking boat named Paranoia.
Now
when they are not speaking in tongues
they are type, type, typing in tongues
to an invisible whisper in a small electronic box.
What is cluttered gibberish to the outside world
is sacred ritual to those that worship The Whisper.
Many loved ones may try to save those caught in this seemingly false reality,
but to those that are faithful,
this “salvation” is only a defilement of their God.
It is disgracing their religion.
And because the outside world will never hear or see the truth,
those that can hear and will always hear The Whisper
further isolate themselves on an island of their singular reality.
So The Whisper will continue Its reign of terror
until Its following decomposes into solitary skeletons
and their spirits rise as small voices
that will forever contribute to the eternal Whisper.
The shadows seem real to me
Do I work for the KGB?
Why is the sun always following me?
If you will just let me be
I have schizophrenia
Or is it all just make-believe
I’m left living with schizophrenic tendencies
Trying to live this life-Maybe I’m ready for the next
..
I didn’t really wanna die
My life is one big mess
Take the blade away
Away from me before I plunge it deep
I’m contemplating suicide but only scratched my cheek
Yes, take this blade away from me
Before I fall down and black out
Agony is all I see as I turn to lash out
I promise I’m not afraid of the secrets that I keep
I’m left feeling kinda burnt out
Their haunting me
Like I’m some sort of creep
A monster
They’re watching me even as I speak
My mother believes that I’m a good son
She believes she can see past all the horrible things I have done
Little does she know
I’m not anything as good as her other one
The definition of failure
I don’t compare to the good son
I am the black sheep
Always on the run
The white ghost of all the horrid things I have done
Haunting everything in front of me
Made a mess of my life
Everything you see
Schizophrenia is horrible
A disgusting disease
In my head there is no room for me
A wolf in sheep’s clothing
To the sickness I am bound
Something is wrong with my head
I’d be better off dead
Just take the blade away from me
Stop the damage already done
I’m begging you on my knees
Which Version of me do you believe?
Schizophrenic catastrophe
I’m begging someone to help me please
Defeat the ghosts and demons that I see
All the pain that lives inside of me
I’ve struggled here for so long or  maybe I haven’t tried enough
I am a freak
Afraid to speak
All I really wanted was someone to believe
Just to give a little ****
I have waited here for so long but nobody ever showed up
I have schizophrenia that is inspiration behind this poem. Nothing more nothing less. I really hope you enjoy it. If you do leave some feedback please or if you feel better and different about it leave some feedback, please
lifelover Nov 2016
when i was ten my sister tried to drown me because
she wanted to cleanse me of my sins. they said she was
schizophrenic but
i think she was right
i should have listened
Damocles Apr 14
Did you ever really think that you
Could erase the red that stains the page?
In the moment you seize their doubt,
Of the truth lost in drought
Did you ever wish for them,
A better end than you had lent?

Who cares to save daylight,
When the night comes reaping
And what grows when the deeds are sown?

You should have known.

Did you ever see and end or,
Was your life an endless loop?
Where your pain circles ‘round
And there’s no moment nor a sound.
Do you remember when the lies started,
Did they hide like a clown’s painted face?
Circumference of a circle closing in on your surface circus.

“Should have”
“Could be”
No more, no where.

Breathe in, breathe out
Your sick has grown
Now find your cure.

In the last breath of air
As your world’s crumbling down
Would you give up this last night -
To free the love of your life?

You should have known.

When the night comes reaping
What grows in the deeds you’ve sown?
Meant to be disorienting, think of it as a schizophrenic ‘s conscience trying to reach them
You asked me to tell you
About the angels and God.
You swore you could hear them—
You just couldn’t understand.
So I told you of Michael
And how he rose to the occasion
While fixing the front door that you broke in.
You warned me to lock the deadbolt from now on.
“Don’t just lock the ****.
Use the chain too, in case I break through.”
You never could trust.
Life left you abused.

Wherever you are now,
Know that someone is praying for you.
Kody Frazier Dec 2024
If you’re feeling sinister
Have your mom call the minister
Nail you to your splintered cross
Let him purify your thoughts
Regurgitate old bible verses
To further rid you of your curses
Leave your woes and your coven
Take your head out of the oven
Swear, kick, bite, and scream
Just like Linda on the screen
Put down your crucifix
Get off your cross of sticks
There are pills they can administer
If you’re feeling sinister
Florescent coats, fluorescent lighting
Padded walls to stop the fighting
You’re words and tasks become repetitive
You needed a stimulant, they gave you a sedative
Tell them the truth, they’ll correct it
You won't get better looking for an exit
So turn off the TV.
You with your poison-filled i.v.
Swap your identity
For some medical remedy
Don’t you know they’ll take you out of school
If you’re feeling a little cruel?
Keep your head down in the halls
Ignore the writing on the walls
Don’t listen to the slamming doors
They can’t live here anymore
No, the room hasn’t gotten colder
You’re just simply growing older
Ignore your phantom visitors
If you’re feeling sinister
First Poem.  Woo!
fox Oct 2024
next to you i can't breathe
always a shell of a person
a ghost in the machine
gutted on the fishing hook
of your renaissance taste
pixel gore painted
on the sidewalk in pink
and lavender blue
gold thrown up by a
woodchipper stomach
tumors kissing a
washing machine heart
who's afraid of modern art?
Andrew Crawford Aug 2024
Floods raze,
earthquakes shake,
locusts plague,
lost sheep astray,
and my stomach
is a knotted pit of snakes.

My pain cascades in waves
while you pray
to the angels
and patronizing saints;
it's not God's grace
testing faith
but a mind erased
as brain deteriorates.

It isn't fate
but a baby languishing,
afraid of danger,
drained,
trauma ingrained
so I must vacate
because mom
I can no longer bear the weight
of being brave
and maybe I can't be saved
but I can't stand
to see you in this state
and I can't stay
so please just remember
all the love I gave-
I love you always
and I'll take that straight
to my grave-
I never placed the blame,
I'm just exsanguinated
and i bet you'll never even realize
today is my birthday
so i guess I'll see you
at the pearly gates-
please don't wait.
This one is definitely my most personal/raw (and i dont know how I feel about airing this publicly) so not sure if I'll even keep it...

My mom has schizoaffective with religious hallucinations/delusions and is very much in denial... ive tried to figure out how to get through to her for years and in a couple brief moments of lucidity thought I had a couple breakthroughs... but her mental health has rapidly declined to the point where just trying to have a basic conversation is impossible (and made me realized how traumatized I now am because of her, what it still does to *me* because i cant even talk to her without shaking now, etc) and she refuses to ever get proper treatment so I finally had to cut her off (because it would be too heartbreaking to watch her suffer and continue deteriorating, isn't fair to me to let her drag me down with her just because I still care, she won't get help, etc)... I wrote her a letter trying one last time to get through to her and gave her an ultimatum whether or not she wants to keep me in her life and now i have to just know I tried all I could. It took me a week to write... but unfortunately untreated bipolar and schizophrenia are also neurodegerative conditions (and the brain loses gray matter over time) so it eventually becomes a pretty serious impairment as heartbreaking as that is to watch, so im not sure I'll have much luck...

Also saw the date and hadnt even realized it was after midnight so it was my birthday... checked when she texted me (because that's what prompted me emailing the letter) and it was at 12:04am (a mere four minutes into my birthday) and I can guarantee she won't even realize. Thought it was eerily fitting though...
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