Inconsequential.
Menial tasks.
Even the books our truth were built upon - a mirage.
A sole purpose to detain and control.

Yet, I believe.
Perhaps not like I used to.
But it's there.

God is alive.
He lies dormant inside you.
I've seen it before.
You will remain oblivious.

Until he wakes...

By the stream, they sang
as the waters of life flowed
and what grew by the waters?

I ask myself this question daily.
Rancid gutters, stench of rotting responsibility
passing problems forward
generation by generation
until the backs of our grandchildren
snap under the weight.

Just look at us now
buckling
faltering
searching for truth for healing for salvation
like every generation before
and I must ask myself
where are the waters of life
and what songs would I sing were I to drink them?

I believe it in my heart
that our song would be every moment
a chorus of peace
a chorus of love
looking into each other's eyes
no hint of displeasure or bitterness
haunting memories looming no more
forgiveness a currency of champions, we
and I cannot shake the mirth of it
almost oppressive - the laughter
I drown in it
aching at the sides
at first wondering, "What's in this water?!"
Then making it my daily drink - liquor forgotten
My daily bread the love of those around
and my gift to them the same.

Such a dream.
Lying back, sorrow at the sheer distance of that vision,
I stare into the ceiling
watching the cobwebs flutter
the waning daylight calls me to rest my eyes
bury my day's burdens
give control over to the weightless, mindless veil of sleep...
yet I lay awake all night
fearing sleep
because the beauty of that dream still clung to my soul
and should I have slept
the dream would die
and my grandchildren would have nothing
but this crumbling world we're building
while they'd wonder if I ever dreamt.

They'd wonder if I were ever free.

I did dream. I did hope to be free.
I will make this dream a reality.
I will find the waters of life.
I will share it with you.
Even if it were just a drop,
it would be ours.
You, me, and everyone,
for a drop of life is worth worlds of love.

The Holy Bible, th'historie of man,
     And God and man, and God as man on earth;
     The true account of how the world began;
The treasure mapp that leades to love and mirth;
The looking glasse wherein is seene the faire
     Image of God, and all mans ugly sinnes;
     The written word of God for ev'ry heir
Of saving grace who runnes the race and winnes;
The booke of lyfe writ in my Saviours bloud,
     Dictated by the Spirits whisper'd breath;
     The foil for ev'ry curse; the cure for death;
The greatest booke about the greatest good;
     The pasture for the sheepe; the sheepefold rod;
     Manna from heav'n; the ladder up to God.

I’m back from the grave
and I’ve learnt to behave
it’s a hell of a good school
to punish wrong
I attended every class
every subject I passed
****…
my grades were looking strong

I advanced with honour
to a saint and a scholar
the devils in the detail
in an invitation to teach
on a topic I excelled in
that old subject on sin
God knows I couldn’t stay in hell
and preach

So I applied for a place
that the good call ‘Grace’
for I’d rather be a sinner seated
in heaven
my lord…how I’ve grown
so thanks, I’m off home
its a ‘good’ bye,
when the good die
and glad to be leaving

Somedays my body feels numb
Like the world is on my shoulders
As I sit in my rundown car
Smoking my cigarette
Starving myself from the cold
That's outside my window
I feel a desperate breathe of life
Try to flow into my lungs

And I realize it's not just me
It's my angel with the burning wings
She shelters me from the ice
Just as she does my life
She protects me from myself

I slice through the foggy air
Just as I do to myself
I feel my life running dry
I'm cold; I don't feel alive anymore
Then it comes, that soft warm touch
Trying to revive me one last time

And I realize it's not just me
It's my angel with the burning wings
She shelters me from the ice
Just as she does my life
She protects me from myself

I bleed out into my crimson bath
The last drop of blood leaves my veins
And as my red sea starts to part
I feel an angel touch my heart
My soul leaves my body
And I become one with her

I realize it's not just me
It's my angel with the burning wings
She sheltered me from the ice
And tried to give me life
She'll protect me now from hell

I look down at my body
With new eyes I can see now the life it went through
It deserved to die
It was never really me
I was born to die
This is me
I am the angel with the burning wings

100521

Humihikab na naman ang kalawakan,
Natutulog ang mga bituing
Patay-sindi kung magparamdam.
At ang bagong-gising na buwan ay sumisigaw
Na parang mga pinag-samasamang alikabok
At syang isinaboy sa garapon ng buhay.

Kusang nagtutuklapan ang mga nakahilerang pader
Na pinino na parang mga buhangin sa dalampasigan.
Habang paisa-isang nagbabato ng galit
Ang mitikolosong likido na tumataboy
Sa mga ekstranghero ng sanlibutan.

Nagsisimula na ring gumapang ang pananim
Na ang binhi'y hiningahan ng kariktan.
At sa malalambot na mga ulap
Ay magtatapat ito ng kanyang paghanga.

Hinahawi na parang mga bagong pitas na rosas sa hardin
Ang bawat bungang muling ihahasik sa pagsapit ng dilim.
At sa ikalawang pagbangon ng binhing pinagmulan ng lahat
Ay masasaksihan ng bawat nilalang
Ang sinasabi nitong liwanag na bubulag sa lahat.

I have time to waste
                                I'm losing everything
I'm throwing it all away
                                 I'll put it all in a basket
I deserve to be loved
I am loved
                                  Throw me away
                                  Forget about me
Electricity runs through my body
Filling me with intense joy
                                  I ***** everything
                                  I burn like wood
My family is television perfect
                                  I hate them all.
                                  May ******* them
Music is my only solace
Her synthesizers fill me with peace
Her voice has the strength of prophets
                               Useless.
                               Hysterical and useless
                               It's Electric dysentery
Please take me.
Take me to a place between Salvation and Nirvana
That's all I ask of you
                                 Leave me alone
                                 Throw me to hell
                                 Let me be reborn

We all have something singularly unsayable within. Nothing can or will ever get to it, not even other souls. This is the loneliness we were all born with and this is our only salvation.