As Jim said in the past
There used to be a time
When simple things
Used to be enough
There used to be a time
When you can win a heart
With a smile in your face
There used to be a time
When you can build a castle
From the words you trust
There used to be a time
When music can be played
While souls embrace
There used to be a time
When I can see my future
And let go of my past
Jim was nothing but a thought
When I used to believe in love
When I used to believe it could last

Someone told me I was ugly but I should not be worried right, I looked like my ancestors and they got laid  They probably did freaky stuff, bare back in a cave.  But what if I look like there ugly brother   What if I shouldn't bother   But someone said I was a hopeless romantic  Those that mean I will never have romance?   Cause I am on my back hoping I am in a comma and the real me is way more **** and maybe if I work hard enough I wont be this ugly but beauty isn't skin deep, it is locked in the genes and my Mom brought mines at Primark.  Well I guess lust is overrated and I might die a ****** but I can strip someone naked by revealing there emotions  Some one told me I was ugly, and I agreed.

Someone once told me,
"You should've have known better
makes no sense. We are trying are best."

Take a step back and realize,
It does make sense.

Sometimes we go off
Making mistakes.
Acting out as an instinct
As opposed to a logical
Reaction.

Sometimes fury overrides
Our senses and we are left
With a blinding void to
A straight path of
"Should have known betters"

So yes, it does make sense.
Because even when you are trying your best,
Your always destined to make a mistake.

You said We still have forever
What's a few more years apart
My trace of doubt, it left a wet line
down my cheek and neck and heart

You said Baby, this is nothing
when eternity is ours
But I saw that in your eyes
your tears were glistening like stars

You said Love will last forever
I am yours, so dry your eyes
Then you turned away and promised
These were not our last goodbyes

I look back and I witness the mess I created. No wonder words cannot justify the remorse that I carry on my shoulders; the pain that radiates from my “I like you too”.
Going down memory lane I remember the 1460 days in which I built high walls made of concrete, as I sat there and shot down every love story that the world had. I yearn for your touch yet at the same time the fear that comes with such a feeling overwhelms me.

I believe I am broken, shattered into a million pieces that cannot be made whole. Your efforts pain me because you are the ideal idea I dream of. I somewhat hope you could read my mind, I somehow hope that I could end up in your arms, where I could feel safe.

I do admit it; love was wrongly accused by my empty soul until your tenacity filled me with hope.  I hate the fact that I am this giant that may never become a miniature. I hate the fact that I hate me. I hate the fact that you could love a heartless monster like me. ****! I said the forbidden word, LOVE! Even my own subconscious glares at me with utter disappointment.

I hate the fact that I care, the fact that it hurts. But then again burying my emotions is what I am good at. I believe I am a master of my own destruction, I do not believe in flowers, romantic dinners and surprises but one thing I know is that I believe you, I believe in you. In my vague idea of “us” we do ride into the sunset. We get that happily ever after. The thought of you being my knight in shining amour petrifies me to the core. I am afraid that I will care too much, that I will love too much. Yes, I do believe in love because you gave me that.

You gave me the spirit to believe in something I hated to the ends of the earth. As I drown in a pool of my own condemnation, I keep looking up, I keep swimming, and I keep letting my soul sail because I hope that you may save me. Finally it then hits me; I sentence you and love 25 to life. If you keep your promise to never leave, I will keep my promise of giving you this warm heart of mine that is caged in concrete walls. If you promise to be there when it matters, when I succeed , when I fail, when I cry or worse when I shut down and try to push you away. If you promise to hold me till I feel like the walls are not closing in, I promise to unlock all these doors I have shut. I hope that you will hold my hand till I finalize my divorce with death. I hope that you can piece me together.

But then these are just thoughts I never voice, these are voices in my own head. Every love story has a happy ending and in this one, you are my happy ending because you set me free from my own prison and complete the person I was meant to be.

The pain of you keeps me awake at night and I keep it close thinking I just might hold you again and say it's alright, but now I only travel memories, treasuring every mile and I wipe the tears all the while knowing sadness has a way of making me smile

"Closer", She said
Gripping her hand on the foot of my bed
Looking back trusting only me
To love her as if this love will last forever
Holding her head back
Only pausing when were out of breathe
Testing our limits with no fear
Resting for seconds 
I feel her hands again
She whispers so soft to me
Leaning so close to me
Feeling her love underneath
As we crawl under the sheets
Edges so far the center we lie
Closing the bridge between you and I
I gathered my thoughts
Thawing the chill you sent down my spine
The words on my heart
They speak more than ever
Lets fall with grace my darling
For tonight we live forever

The back of my throat is covered in the hieroglyphics of all the words I'll never say to you