If I ran away.....

How long would it take?
Would your heart break?

Could I ever expect,
That this love that isn't a regret.

Something deeper than this,
Anything more than a kiss?

If I ran away
Would you count the day.

I can't return,
For I have a burn.

A belish on this heart
From the love that is too ****

If I runaway.....
Would you even care, anyway?

it feels like a dream,
seeing you illuminated by the moonlight,
twirling yourself in a circle,
your dress floating vividly.

a cheeky smile,
tainted on your features,
as rich laugh slips your lips.

not a care in the world,
as you take your hand out,
waiting patiently for me to take it.

surpassing a widening smile,
i reach out,
and grasp your hand.

and we run, run, run,
run away from reality,
run away into our own paradise.

I feel scared to leave my house to go for a walk
Because I'm worried I'll get mugged or *****
Any noise in my house sets off
The myriad of alarms in every cell of my body
Whether I think it's a person or a ghost
The fear fills my limbs with electricity
I feel anxious about going to the gym alone
Because I feel like everyone is staring at me
Sometimes I'm afraid to text my ex who's now a friend
Because I'm preoccupied with worrying
About what they're thinking of me
When I work as a delivery driver
I won't go into backyards at night
Anytime I am around other people
I am afraid that they will hurt me
So I keep my guard up high
Hypervigilant to any animosity
But when I think about facing real danger
I get extremely overwhelmed
If I feel this unhinged by basic life experiences
How would I ever survive a real crisis?
My fight or flight is set off so often
That it's basically become my new baseline
I know it's the PTSD that causes it
And I know that I can get better
But sometimes I just feel so hopeless
Because I want to go for simple walks
I want going to the gym to be an easy decision
I want to spend time with people
To connect with people
Without worrying that they'll hurt me
Or that they secretly hate me
I want to live my life wholeheartedly
Not constantly in fear of something unseen
I want to be able to feel and exist openly
And really have a chance to be myself
To live a life that makes me happy
And I can't do that if I'm constantly
Running from shadows and
Hiding from reality behind doors and screens
I want to break out and be free
But behind any and all of my emotions
Lies a thick layer of fear
And I just keep running

Her feet pound the pavement with each step forward, one mile quickly turns into three.  Her mind uses her nightmares to motivate her, each one darker than the next. How is she supposed to escape when she is running from her own mind.