It's windy tonight. Not a cloud in sight. And the ever-glory of the mass blue sky was dotted once again with the friends of the sky. Guardian of my house, Orion, with his strong, bright 3-starred bow, burns steadily, as opposed to the Ursas of the north, with the bleak Polaris, its light a little faded due to the lights of the northern cityscapes.

I think of you in these circumstances. Whether you'd be looking at the sky as well, trying hard to find the connecting dots. Stay warm under this cool season, alright? I've yet to brush my teeth or even get my blanket and pillow, because I've decided to sleep under the stars tonight, and they're too beautiful for me to even pass a second without looking at them.

Just like how I think about you. My thoughts are still as the stars in the night sky, sometimes bleak and sometimes bold. I hope you never lose your way even if you feel like it. The Polaris will always be guiding you. My thoughts will always be guiding you. For you, I'll be constant as the stars above, so always know that you are loved.

Every third day of the third week in July for the last six years
I would crawl out onto the hot, black shingled roof of our white and gray two story shuttered house
and I would try to count the stars in the southern sky

The course grains of each shingle would burn deep gouges into my knees and hands as if each shingle was punishing me for sitting on them.

But I hadn't a care in the world

For I had a reason and a purpose to be there
You see, that third day was my day, that third week was my week..

It was all mine...the day I would lose myself into the universe

As I nestled into my favorite spot, I leaned against the hard wood window frame, not caring for a second how I long i sat there. At that pristine moment, I just began to count the stars

Each single star I counted, whether it be faded as the night or bright as the day,  was surrounded by complete darkness. A pitch black of nothing.
Those were the lonely stars I saw and I breathed once again.

Each single star i counted, was all alone and afraid in the vast deepness of space with nothing to embrace them except for my eyes and my casual memories and I breathed once again.

This is my healing place. My escape from the life threatening complexities that invaded my inner being. I witnessed the thousands of morsels of light in the southern sky as if they were tiny demons millions of light years away, haunting and watching over me each and every night. For they can no longer touch me or break me apart. They will become the broken.

I have found my place of solace on top of that hot, black shingled roof of our white and gray shuttered house. Many peaceful nights I counted the stars, only to lose to count after I reached one hundred. My eyes would glaze over with an undue purpose of peace and I breathed once again as I started to count the stars all over again.

i think of kentucky when i think of love~
of who we were before
not because of him,
or what i what i thought was happening up above
i think about you standing there, in the library door
or about how intensely i stared at your floor when
i was working up the courage....
i think about how i missed him every single day
                                                 everything was grey
then you played your accordion
and it all went away
                                            *kentucky has the greenest grass i've ever seen
                                                            ­     ~
i begged you away from the edge of the roof once.....
whiskey was heavy on your breath and
the world was heavy on your chest and
you sat next to me and
you didn't jump
i really thought you might....

it was one of the only times
i ever felt like a useful human being in this
                                      whirling winding world of poetic energy
                                                  and compassionate synergy,
                                                        
       ­                                                (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

so.... if talking you away from edges of roofs,
if warmly burrowing in your truths,  
makes me feel like a useful human being in this
                               whirling winding world of self-inflicted lethargy
                                                     and romantic anarchy,

                                                       ­              ok

I love how the setting is after rain; I can almost focus on the sound of my steps as if it is the only thing I need to worry about. dry, chapped lips from the cold breeze that has set in only allows a few whispered words to pass at a time.

droplets along the window blocks connect each thought as my fingertips connect each dot, allowing my mind to wander where it usually does not. the drops along the metal roof tell a story like a rambling poet agains the keys of a typewriter, uncertain of which drain will drain the pain away.

(j.a.r.)

Everything is falling apart.
The roof is caving in,
The flooding waters from above
Weighing it down.
My strength is no more
There is no way
I can keep the roof from crashing
Down on me.

"The walls around me slowly close in threatening to crush me between my throes of guilt and shame"

Walls like towers
Made of questions of "why's"
And distorted old stories
That reach the sky
Bred of agony and despair
Watching you slowly die
Gone, as if you were never there
Don't suffer through the fate of lies
Scream out the rage and make yourself care

"A threshold where I fall off the edge just to find myself back on the verge"

A door like desperation
Walking through to whence you came
Revolving around, teasing your mind
Like a revolver with bullets of shame
Shooting you between the eyes, every time
Lodging in your brain
Never leaving, or something you can find
Opening and closing; playing you like a toy in a game
Break down the door, smash through to the other side
Tear it off the hinges, don't even save the frame

"I beat upon the glass to shatter it,
but find only my hope's breaking"

Windows like pictures
Of things in the past
That you can no longer have
How long can the struggle really last
Before your insides bubble, boil and burn with regret
Time to find a way around the pane, fast
As the windows gets smaller and you completely forget
All the good in life of your past
Calm yourself, release your guilt,
Don't let feelings of which you can't control amass

"It'll all come crashing down, how much can this brittle barrier bear before a familiar, fickle fate is found?"

A roof like design
Made of the limits you've thrown upon yourself
Images vivid, destructive and divine
Playing projections of depth and death
Inception in the back of your mind
Telling you you're simply not good enough
Rise up, reach out and surely you will find
You are truly made of stronger stuff

"This is my house of Hell and Horror and to it, I will always belong. I never knew finding home could ever go so wrong"*

A *house like hell
Horrors and demons of your scarred heart
Built up, surrounding you in agony and pain
Ripping out your core, tearing you apart
Sweltering in the heat of lies you contain
Never finding the ending, or where to restart
*Keep faith, light a fire, don't live in vain
Burn it, smoke out the truth and purify the hearth
Watch the flames destroy it all, until nothing remains
Look out to the world, at all that now surrounds you
And silently wait for the rain

your eyes are deeper than any poetry i've ever read.
i've tried to write them in six-word poems
but it can never quite capture their depth.
i've tried rhymes
and sonnets
and haikus
but i end up dreaming of them instead.

i'm lying on the roof
looking at the stars in the skies
and wish i were looking
at the ones in your eyes.