I've been with you.
You stared at me from across the room with a smile that spoke of the silence that we were not breaking.
A silence we didn't mean to fill as four years had torn us apart and I can not believe that I can see you.
10 feet away in a lawn chair in our sister's living room and that's you.
Six feet, curly long hair, gentleness.
I ask you "what?" because i'm awaiting an explanation and a next movement, one more thing to rip me to pieces and throw me down the gutter and you answer "nothing" with a smirk and a feeling of content.
That's when I realized I didn't want to leave,
I could stay in that moment forever instead of  holding onto that memory indefinitelty.
I'm not good at saying goodbye or hello because i'm scared of what happens before, after, and inbetween.
I'm a coward, carrying a white flag surrendering to the sound of my heartbreak.
I didn't write about you because I didn't know how,
After hundreds of poems, thousands of feelings, so many many tears being dropped in your wake, I didn't know what to say
And I didn't want to leave you.

Tonight I fly away.

Need to take some time,
find a way to leave my pain behind.
Touch down on pure white sands,
step out to the promised land.
The lasers shine,
the music plays.
I find myself back in my church again.


      I feel it flowing through my body!


So high, my eyes are hazy.
The whole club's going crazy
and though the lights are blinding
I could swear I see you smiling
back at me.
How could it be?
How could you find me?

Has fate brought us together?
I didn't think I'd ever
see your face again
but here you are now
plain as day my friend.
Don't know why I left you behind.
You were always on my mind...

You were always on my mind.

So let me take you by the hand,
take our next steps on ****** sands.
We'll burn our flames,
erase the pain,
light up the skies again.

So hold me now in ecstasy.
Forget the world, just you and me.
Just like the way it used to be.
We'll watch the sunrise on the crystal seas.


Tonight we'll fly away.

It's 11pm  and I'm lying awake. I'm trying to erase the memory of you. Every time I close my eyes I feel you laying next to me. I hear you saying you love me. I hear you call me baby. I try to call out to you, but I am met with silence. We still love each other, but we can not reach one another. There is too much distance for us to ever be reunited. I'm left with the bitter taste of you and all of our memories. I wonder if I will ever stop longing for you. If I will ever sleep peacefully. My mind can't accept you're not here. And you're never coming back home..

It was your heart
Big and strong
It was your spirit
Open and welcoming

I was drawn by your aura yielding
Without fear I let go and let you take me away down a stream faithful
The further my heart floated down with you the sky became more enriched in dazzling starlight

Hand in hand we let ourselves get taken away by this delightful current
Surrendering to this sweet dance life gifted us with
Ourselves struck with hope in what we thought was only myth

Our spirits ribboned around each other like legs under cool sheets
Embracing one another as two reunited travelers separated for years
Drunk in love and paying no attention to fears

I saw finally where poets before me had been
Under this celestial sky of serenity is where I forever want to lay in
Hand in hand, tangled around each other under dazzling stars that envy our glow
Praying tomorrow's sun would show kindness to rise slow

To exist in the light,
we must be mindful of the dark
and every shade in between.

A close friend of mine who has depression tells me she knows that it can be difficult not knowing.  She says it was why she was afraid, because the happiness she felt was arbitrary and that sooner or later it would be replaced with soul-******* and mind-numbing hopelessness. Too happy, meant that it was a step and crash away from being too sad. Every good feeling had a sour ending.

But I’ve realised that such is the rhythms of life, and the balance that keeps us in check. This is the human condition where compassionate and noble people also experience shame, wounds and discarded pieces no one wants to see. People can hold breathtaking beauty while inexorable darkness runs through their veins.  

Light and dark both hold the innate understanding
that one cannot exist without the other.
It is for the same reasons that we must let ourselves have access
to the full range of our humanness.