we said
we were both better off
but that didn't wash the
metallic taste of blood
from biting my tongue
and begging you to stay.

they say
a watched *** never boils
and that is why I turned my back on the door,
still hoping you would come through it
and say I'm home.


you said
we were forever
but you're the boy
who never could fully love
and I'm the girl
who loved too much
and together we were
chaos and destruction,
a shattered glass in a child's hands.

Secretly, I envied you...
Forgive me if it presumes too much
To wish you happiness and comfort.
As far as I can tell, you'd have me think
Those things are not for you.

I used to think that this was appalling,
and pity the creature who lays claim
To misery as their lot.
but
Secretly, I envied you, before even
Understanding,
That my pity was like hatred,
A misery in its own right,
And worse than that which I judged.
I resented the affront, another deadly sin,
And you were right.  
You were right again.
You were right.
All along...

You soften your eyes
Trying to hide your resent
As I do the same

I saw resentment clearly.
He was harsh and tense, filled with battle scars.
He turned and took hefty, angry steps in my brain.
I saw his balled fists, his toughly furrowed eyebrows,
and all hell broken lose, a war of rage inside his eyes.
I heard him breathe heavily,
and I felt so bitter.

Who are they** to tell
That in my life
I am not doing well

Who are they to say
That from my path
I went astray

Who are they to judge
The me who has been wronged
But they didn’t care, they didn’t even budge

Who are they to call
Me some names, when they were the ones
Who drove me up against that wall

You were a poison
An exoskeleton of the lies you built around you
Your sole purpose; hate the world for the wrong done to you even if some of your pain was by your own hand.
A deadly plague infecting and wiping out the surrounding villages
You knew not of pure air
Just layered muck filled with pollutants, black tar and Crystal.
Oh how you loved Crystal
A true serpent with ice cold eyes
Luring in your victim and ******* the corpse dry
An endless circle of distraction, but you could never escape your mind.
Take a look back through history
Paints a clear image
All tyrants are brought down by a lesser Evil.
You too shall fall.

The grass may be greener on the other side
but I’m still on the white picket fence
that we built ourselves with ply,
a wall to the world useless for our defense.

Deciding between you
and them,
between our crumbling foundation
and a long road ahead,
between resentment and
regret,
this is where I sit,
on the fence.

-bes-