it's not that i don't trust people,
it's just i keep all my hardships to myself.
if i were to tell you everything on my mind,
you'd race for nine one one.
if you asked me all the things i know you're begging to ask,
you'd see me on my knees at the alter,
confessing my sins as if i believed they existed in the first place.
it's not that i see you as a threat to my personal privacy,
but if i were to be honest there'd be tears in your eyes.
I'm sorry.
You always wondered if i truly meant it when i spoke it and i'm hear to tell you sorry is my honest truth
because if
i wasn't
i wouldn't bother
saying it
and if i was patronizing
you
i would just apologize,
but never sorry.





if you were to look at my pinterest page,
you'd admit me back into the physic ward.

The radio's not what it used to be
With its wealth based in virtuality
Calling out to the youthful dream
Which is never quite as it seems

The radio no longer plays what's mine
As my popular taste has faded in time
I stopped singing along to the tunes
They stopped making my afternoons

The radio is nothing but melodic static
I'm aware that sounds a little dramatic
But I can't relate to these digital trends
No more playlists, I want show host friends

The radio's batteries died long ago
I'll replace them one day I suppose
When the songs I like will play
As part of a classic aural wave

You're behind me, aren't you?
Behind my weak form, behind this place, behind the years.

Yet you strangle me!

...

How do you do that?

How can all of you...

...

There's so many of you, is the thing.
There's you, and you, and you; amongst so many others.
It's... haha, it's really something.

You know,
whenever my friend's arm brushes against mine, I pull back in disgust.  An internal "Christ don't touch me" screeches and stops as suddenly as it forms.

I bear my fangs and my wrists tense, ready to claw at eyes who have no business watching me, before I catch myself
and step away.

And when said friend's tactlessness pulls them away from their intuition and keeps them preoccupied with their own feelings, I hear all of your voices at once.
"My needs first. My needs first."

And I wonder-
would the fangs have grown anyways
would the claws have grown anyways
would I had been this anyways
if none of you would have given me a reason to.

...

No, no.
Surely not.

...

Of course not.









*Of course not.

Darling, I've been bad again
When I'm with some other one
Your thought is not in sight
But in my lonely rubble
Our past haunted me
And prompted me
To taste you once more
But this was lust not love I implore
For the craving of company and touch
Rather than for feelings and such

I don't have to wait anymore
Things will soon never be the same
Landscapes will change to shapes and shades I've never seen
I won't be there, will that finally make you feign
Or at least want me or miss me just a bit
You were never decisive, you had no grit
You were like the wind, here for just a moment
And not a second more, leaving me to lament
You thought your presence was some blessing to your generation
But truth is you've never even been a local sensation

I read the signs wrong.
Got so caught up in the possibilities,
I didn't consider the possibility of you not wanting me.
I was just a warm mouth, right?
An ****** to drown out your own emtions,
it felt like a new beginning.
I should've known.
You're an inherently selfish man,
emotions don't come naturally to you.
They come effortlessly to me.
Your thumb on my wrist, your hand in my hair, it felt like a sign.
To you it felt like a favor, an IOU for being your friend.
I owe you nothing.
I owe myself everything.

i've never been one of you
let's face it
maybe it was he way i did not laugh at your insensitive jokes
or the way that i was not as cool as the others
i've always given more and more and more of myself
never got anything in return
and
truth be told
i've always secretly resented you for it
i've always hated hated hated hated hated you for it
the bubbling bitterness at the base of my stomach
like bile
burning rising
i choke it down
and say hi babe thank you for being such a great friend
the words leave a bad taste in my mouth.
the worst part?
by hiding these true feelings of mine
and being so incredibly fake
i'm just as bad as you are
maybe we truly do deserve each other

If I were to be a believer
I would believe not only in god
But in the devil
And believe me when I say,
I would choose the latter.
Pray, that I do not believe.