used to think I couldn't go a day
without your smile
without telling you things
and hearing your voice back.
Then, that day arrived and it was so **** hard
but the next was harder.
I knew with a sinking feeling
it wasn't going to be okay for a very long time.

because losing someone isn't an occasion or an event.
It doesn't just happen once.
It happens over and over again.
I lose you  every time I pick up your favorite coffee mug:
whenever that one song plays on the radio,
or when I discover your old t-shirt at the bottom of my laundry pile.
I lose you every time I think of kissing you,
holding you, or wanting you.
I go to bed at night and lose you,
when I wish I could tell you  about my day.
And in the morning,
when I wake and reach  for the empty space across the sheets,
I begin to lose you all over again.

As I step back, regrets will come stalling, yet I never let it hurdles what’s just ahead.


© Pax

I collected every sigh
you breathed
while you lay asleep
in my arms

and with each one
I blessed the shadows
and offered a sacrament
to the God
that kept us entwined
in these sheets.

It just came into my mind, to write you something.
Though you don't deserve, and to you I am nothing.
Oh hundreds of days passed us by,
and I still remember that look into your eye.

You know, I was caught by your charm.
Oh how I wanted to be in your arms.
But it feels like a forbidden thing,
so I did what is right, to you I didn't cling.

Here I am, with my pen and reminiscing.
I can till feel the thrill- I am still smiling.
One day I hope to see you around,
I want to be enraptured by your sound.

However, there might be someone who owns your heart.
And perhaps, for you it is a beautiful start.
I will be delighted and won't demand for more things to happen.
To see you...just to see you again- I will be truly gladdened.


*-Steph Dionisio, Aug 26, 2014