So, I’m drawn to your religion
On the basis of aesthetic.
I want to feel the way that
Golden, plump, laughing Buddha
Feels without having to read the stories.
I want to embrace the wu wei--
Whatever that means--
I want to sit criss-crossed
In the long, naples yellow grass
With no ticks.
In the orange afternoon sun
With no nighttime.  
I want to worship at a smoky altar
And feel the arms of
My Goddess wrap around me.
Hear her voice: slow, smooth, but stern.
“Thank you,” for the sacrifice.
I want to be divine--God
Gaze down from the Heavens
And take pride in my light
Like I am your son;
I want to be free of the burden
Of my humanness,
Lifted,
Cleansed,
Purified.
I wish to be free of desire
And so it is the desire which ails me.
And I curse nothing more
Than I curse my hungry heart
And my faulty mind.
Lifted,
Cleansed,
Purified.

I don't hear Your voice like others say they do
I'm wandering around my life without a clue
It feels like I'm living my life without You.

Even when I pray, it's hard to pick the right thing to say
And sometimes I don't bother at the end of the day
Because I feel like You're just slipping away.

Have You abandoned me?
I followed You endlessly
I followed You blindly

Have You been ignoring me?
Can You not hear when I weep?
Are my prayers too hard to keep?

Have You abandoned us?
I think You've lost our trust,
     You've lost my trust.

I was (am)
     Brainwashed
         Conditioned
             Indoctrinated
Into believing in a God that
     Can’t hear us
Into praying to a God that
     Can’t hear us
Into fearing a God that
     Can’t hear us  
I find comfort in my conditioned beliefs
Like a safety blanket, I find peace
I just wonder why God chooses to ignore me (us)

it's just us in this hazy bedroom. me & you, your mouth & my neck. i know that these bruises are the kind only love leaves. your teeth, they sink into my skin like i am a fruit forbidden from your tongue, like i am a fruit you needed to taste even if it meant succumbing to the shame of sin.

but there is no shame here, & i'm only allowed to glow, i'm only allowed to sing (to bleed) when you leave me little stab wounds onto my bare skin with the sharp edge of your canines. with your animalistic passion. & when god turns the other way, my nails scrape your skin, digging through your flesh to search for the paradise that lies underneath. you ask if i have ever felt so holy, & i can only respond with this hot spring of tears down my cheeks & eyes that beg you to devour me.

you stab your way into my fallen kingdom. you wash over my collapsed temples. you bite into my fruit. you cry amen & my choir follows suit.