Limericks I - Relatives and Relativity

The Cosmological Constant
by Michael R. Burch

Einstein, the frizzy-haired,
said E equals MC squared.
Thus all mass decreases
as activity ceases?
Not my mass, my *** declared!

###

***-tronomical
by Michael R. Burch

Relativity, the theorists’ creed,
says mass increases with speed.
My (m)*** grows when I sit it.
Mr. Einstein, get with it;
equate its deflation, I plead!

###

Relative to Whom?
by Michael R. Burch

Einstein’s theory, incredibly silly,
says a relative grows *****-nilly
at speeds close to light.
Well, his relatives might,
but mine grow their (m)***** more stilly!

###

Time Out!
by Michael R. Burch

Hawking’s "Brief History of Time"
is such a relief! How sublime
that time, in reverse,
may un-write this verse
and un-spend my last thin dime!

###

Time Back In!
by Michael R. Burch

Hawking, who makes my head spin,
says time may flow backward. I grin,
imagining the surprise
in my mother's eyes
when I head for the womb once again!

###

Keywords/Tags: limerick, nonsense, light verse, humor, science, theoretical, physics, relativity, relatives, family, time, space

i opened my eyes
i open my eyes
i will open my eyes:

i realized
i realize
i will realize:

* nothing is worth more than family *

TO MY DEAREST ONES:

MY SON NICHOLAS:
fan of dragons, buburacker, properer schelm, the best that happened to me. you are becoming me and yourself
i have been changing through you
indescribable love is in me for you my son.


MY DAUGHTER EDEN:
this verse is about the delight in your cheeks when you're smiling baby
one day i looked into your eyes for a long while this was our closest moment so far
indescribable love is in me for you my daughter

BEZA:
i truly apologize for all the bad things you had to deal with during my active dependency
you're a good mother: god bless you. i love you.

MOM and DAD:
i am made of you and i've been given a lot by you, my parents


TO MY DEAR ONES:

maria and barbara (believers like us)

christoph z. (the man with a great taste in music)

CHRISTOPH R. (wise and pervaded with love) & sandra

ELIAS (try to quit the gaming, young brüderle)

alin & valerie (the twins)

uncle günther (try to reduce your pod smoking much love)

aunt susanne (meet me on christmas much love)

andreas (all best to your mother, may she rest in peace)

cousin tina & lance (blessings by god and shem; an inspiration)

aunt marlies & uncle teddy & and their dog billy (empathy is the best medicine to live a good life)

aunt lotte (have never met you but would like to)

if i have forgotten anyone, please forgive me
God bless all of you
you are my family

MUCH LOVE
ICH LIEBE EUCH

YOURS
MAX a.k.a. MIKEY

The relative I am most fond with
I could never thank you enough
for everything that you've done for me
Forever standing by my side
Picking me up when I am down
And making me laugh more than anyone ever has

You are always there to listen to my troubles
And give me the advice I need to hear
I can tell you everything without the fear of judgement I might silently receive from some of my friends
You've helped realize what kind of person I was becoming
And showed me how to break through that wall that was visible to everyone but me
The one that held me back from everything I've ever needed

I know you are enduring some things that only time could heal
You've moved your whole life to this small town
At first it didn't impact you
This is what we've been hoping would happen for so long
But then it hit
And everything slowly became a reality
I can't help but to feel guilty for not being able to help you
You always claim that you're okay
That me listening is enough

And as I write this poem
I realize that just might be true

Again, thank you.

I wish I could say something good
About growing old and dying.
For sixty years I had a great relationship
With Mum,
But then that demon Dementia brought her
Living Death.

She thought in the end I’d
Betrayed her,
“Allowing her to be put in a home”.
And then, to rub it in,
She was allegedly abused and badly bruised
By evil members of staff.
Mum passed away
Two months later.
The last time I saw her
She was waiting to be taken to the loo
As I was ushered out.

We all grow old,
Gradually fading away,
Tormented by Diabetes, hypertension
And strokes.
Full of arthritis
And gammy knees.

The list of ills goes on,
No proverbial light at the end
Of the tunnel.

So all I can say is live for
Now.

Make the most of our Share of Time.
Take comfort in passing on the baton
To the likes of Jacob
My great nephew.
Teach him and his peers
As well as we can
To take care of The Earth
A **** sight better
Than we have.

Try to Improve ourselves,
Keep growing
Every single day.
Keep learning
Experiencing
Living
As long as we can.

Paul Butters

© PB 8\1\2018.

You're always saying, "I mean of course I love him... he's my dad". You should see your face when you say that. You don't light up, your hands don't get warmer, your heart doesn't skip a beat. No, you say "of course I love him... but..." and your whole face sinks. Tell me all about how great he is then! How he hit you, how he's always drunk. On the phone yesterday you said "love you" before hanging up and... the static on the other end just laughed.

tell me about the memories that don't belong to me again

about the days i wasn't there
and you found yourself
in conpany of a blank stare

those are days we did not share .


stop ******* telling me about the things i did when i was a baby
i don't remember ****
and you smell weird.