I keep trying to connect to my younger self-
I’ve been reading old journals,
listening to old Ed Sheeran albums-
wondering, “Did I really love this magenta color so much”?

Attempting to feel the way that she did.
Feeling her excitement-
her joy-
her passions.

I have been rediscovering that my past self and I have been through many things. Things that I don’t think about because they are too hard to think about, or simply things that I have forced myself to forget about- like putting my memories on paper and then burning them in a fire.

She was a really sad person.
She struggled.
She was anxious.
She was depressed.
She hated herself.
She had moments of unwavering positivity but there was so much self doubt.

She still is a really sad person.
She still struggles.
She is anxious.
She is depressed.
She hates herself, sadly so.
She still has moments of unwavering positivity but there is still so much self doubt.

I guess some parts of us never change, despite us wanting them too.

Hey Lou—
so beautiful.
I love you.
The world forgets what that means sometimes,
but not me.
Not here.
Not now.
Lately, I sit back
and I wonder—
is there even such a thing
as good and evil?
Or are they just mirrors
for opinions dressed as truth?
People don’t fight for ideas anymore.
They fight because they can,
because someone else said don’t,
because silence feels like losing.
But I remember a different time—
a time of minds that opened galaxies.
Stephen Hawking dreamt in black holes,
Einstein listened for the whisper of atoms.
Our heroes once lit torches,
not screens.
They had questions bigger than their fame.
Now?
We chase faces.
Cases.
Shock over substance.
Talent’s in the back of the line,
waiting behind a viral clip.
We used to talk about evolution,
about meaning,
about everything unseen and still real.
Now we scroll.
Now we sell.
Now we perform.
It’s almost better to be bad
than to be brilliant.
At least bad gets views.
At least bad gets seen.
We move too fast.
Too fast to sit.
Too fast to feel.
Too fast to wonder.
Even to breathe feels like a distraction.
Reflection’s a luxury
this generation can't afford.
I come from a place
they used to call
the Empire State—
where people built dreams
out of steel,
sweat,
and belief.
where artists left proof—
expression etched on city walls
like the first handprints in the caves,
a visual history,
marking time,
influencing it.
I live in a country
where dreams were once possible.
Where greatness wasn’t just myth—
it was motivation.
But now the motive’s
a bank account.
And the dream?
It’s behind a paywall.
Nobody talks about the race,
the planet,
the soul.
They just talk about the numbers.
The hustle.
The next thing.
Always the next thing.
And yet—
in the silence between all that noise,
I still believe
someone out there remembers.
Maybe it's me.
Maybe it’s you.
Maybe it’s us.
Still here.
Still breathing.
Still choosing to care

Sometimes I dream of it
Of the realm of nonexistence
That place that lies beyond time and space
Where thoughts never spoken rest calmly
Where praises never heard of, echo angrily
And in the void where everything and nothing meets:
There too must I float
Just for a little while
Just ‘til the mind finds its place once more
Until the pressing feeling inside goes away
Then the darkness would be bearable
When the universe will make itself known
A second chance shall extend its hand
And all would be forgiven

But this cannot be the case
Not yet at least
Though most days feel grim,
And the future looks only but gray

Still, I must exist

For a while longer, at the very least
One day shall be my day
One day, I’ll find a way

One day


One day