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Cadmus May 30
šŸŽ­

I
miss
the
time
when
my
smiles
were
real.

šŸ‘ŗ
This piece reflects the quiet resilience that grows in the shadow of sadness. It’s a reminder that even the faintest hope has the power to restore the sincerity of a smile.
****** Leaves My System

Others — white and dark —
Order their coffee in environmental mugs.
You don’t get stars,
Only reused syringes.

****** leaves as joy —
A nub with no shadow.
Trauma’s shadow is bright white
In my pipe.

Who says addicts are unclean?
I scrape my pipe and cooker,
Shockingly clean.
I don’t get anything.
UC tomorrow —
Do you sleep sound?

The rush — excitement.
Why wrap so tight?
Don’t break the crack in the pipe.
Sounds like joy.
Smoke fills my lungs.
Yet I get nothing.
In burning light,
Where was my life?
Vapor fills the room.
Oh, there’s a feeling —
I’m content.
How about you?

Could you ***** yourself a hundred times
Just to feel a little?

Stop — there’s blood in the needle.
You think an ****** is good?
You’ve never seen blood mixed with life in a needle.
Trust me — don’t try.
You miss all the shots you don’t take.
Ones you don’t take can’t **** you.

I wish they would —
The ones that hit hurt more than the ones that miss.
Well, ask him:
******, needle, arm —
The true holy trinity.

Just ask Jesus —
Blood of Christ, blood of an addict,
Redeem me.

Needle exchange —
Well, I need a life exchange.
Maybe something sharper.
Sorry, I meant to say spare change.
Andrea May 21
Once again I find myself laying in bed and staring with empty eyes at my room.

In my mind this is not my room, and I am not here.

I view my surroundings as if they are a photo I hold in my hands.

This isn't my life, but a glimpse into someone else's;

I judge them for their mess and chaos.
I admire them for their creativity .

I judge the way they let their partner treat them in this space.
I admire the compassion I see shining through despite that treatment.

I am able to identify both my best-self and my worst-self
While looking down at this snapshot of a strangers room with my bed
Why do you cry?
Because I’m so sick of not being okay.

So sick of my loss of appetite.
My constant need for pain.
Why can’t I be happy?
Wholly and unconditionally. Must there always be a load, weighing me down?
Where’s the balloon?
That I can tie to my wrist and let pull me away?
Why must life be so full of death?
So many questions.
So many answers that continue to allude me.
So I look to the sky.
To the stars.
And….
Dream.
Of a day when someone will ask me.

Why do you cry?
And I can answer,
Because I’m finally okay.
With embered wings, I pierce the blackest night,
A solar mass morphing into a black hole.
Each atom in my blood prepares to ignite,
Reflecting the true divine shape of my soul.

In the corridors of my own thought, the senses drown.
The mind painting prisms bleeding photonic rain.
No boundary here to hold me. In moments, I'm crowned.
In this kingdom of chaos, sculpting solace from pain.

I stand before the mirror of my own trembling soul.
A sovereign spark lives, who dares to hope it can heal.
A voice screams, that " One who has shattered his mold,
Transcends the one; fragments of being, each their own whole."

Pulses turn to diamonds, forming as the words on my tongue.
Minutes stretch — now endless lifetimes yet to be discovered.
I taste each shard of feeling that my heart has overcome.
My sorrow and my joy open, remaining uncovered.

My dreams, my faulted mind, like ones we called under-wrought.
Their eyes, constellations, like the ones we used to trust.
Chemicals react, dispersing waves, like songs we forgot.
Solitude and isolation bleed with each melodic gust.

And in the hush of afterglow, I wield my clean knife,
Open up my wounds till they reveal my true hidden name.
And from this crucible of pain, is born a new life.
My infinite flame burns as both the wild and the tame.

Following voices of shadows, divine potential’s own choir.
Their hymns — the portal to my soul yet to be embraced.
Chains bind me to perceptions, but for now, I'm more like fire.
Forging quantum bound waves, binding purpose to my fate.
Jill Apr 26
Tucked in kindness

Setting controlled burns
from a safe distance

Fairy floss floating

Unloading old cargo
without second thoughts

Warm juice weather

Opening windows
to let out odd heat

Yesterday was
hot tear-smudged eyeliner
over-picked nails
and stress-blanched thoughts

Today is
cool bruise-soothing gel packs
light hugging cardigan
and summer blanket rest

Hidden in gentleness

Departing hurts
replaced by lovely scars

Tucked in kindness
©2025
Jill Apr 26
Eyes open icy sharp
Mind pillowy calm
So much clarity

This is what waking feels like

Easy and unencumbered
My chest, like my mind
So much space

This is what breathing feels like

Stretching out fearless
Today’s thoughts are safe
So much room

This is what thinking feels like

Short step to outside
Light breeze, soft rain
So much beauty

This is what living feels like

Chemically assisted recovery
A sturdy, temporary scaffold
While I renovate
my favourite mental fixer upper
©2025
I can breathe again,
A weight lifted from my chest,
Colors brighter,
Sounds clearer,
My mind, no longer at war with itself.

I can live again,
Fully present,
Not just existing,
But thriving,
One breath at a time.

I can cry again,
Tears of sadness and joy,
Releasing old pain,
Healing my heart.

I can rest again,
My mind at peace,
Trusting my instincts,
My body free from tension.

I can hope again,
For a brighter future,
A new beginning,
A life filled with joy and contentment.

I can trust again,
Myself, my thoughts,
My emotions,
My instincts,
My heart.

I can forgive again,
Releasing the weight of grudges,
Finding peace within,
No longer burdened by anger or resentment.

I can grow stronger again,
Embracing challenges,
Learning from mistakes,
Building resilience and confidence.

I can celebrate myself again,
Recognizing my worth,
Acknowledging my progress,
And feeling proud of who I am.
I did the dishes today, feeling a sense of accomplishment that washed over me as the plates and cups sparkled clean. It reminded me of the simple joys of life. I haven't been able to do such tasks in a while, my mental state was in a constant battle, yet today something was different a glimmer of happiness in the midst of my storm. I smiled knowing that even in the darkest days there was still hope and maybe even a chance of change. With a new sound sense of energy I moved on to the laundry the clanging of the machines was almost like music to my ears each piece of clothing no matter how stained held new potential in my eyes. I felt the weight of the past slowly lifting off of me. One chore at a time I was rebuilding my life, one step at a time a new chapter was a new beginning. As I put the last piece of clean laundry away I couldn't help but smile today I took care of myself as the sentence the clean clothes hung in the air, the memories that once haunted me were replaced with the simple joy of taking care of myself. With a sense of contentment I took a deep breath, and just for a moment I close my eyes and imagined with the future could hold and then I looked around amazed at how much I had accomplished and felt a hope I hadn't felt in a long time I did it I whispered to myself
Mariah Apr 20
Much to
my surprise
More and more
I come to find
ā˜†Rainbow Starsā ā˜†
✧ in my eyes✧
When most my life
I've lived in ⁠
✯Black and White✯
I truly am a surprisingly happy person for someone with horrendous rage issues.
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