Time is slowing,
Everything desires to hibernate as winter kisses the mountain valleys,
And the end has faded into the now,
My beloved present,
An inevitable tick...tick...
A minute has passed and it feels like I have been smothered through my angst against time.
I am crawling, waiting, searching...
Deliberating, trying to lose myself,
And the revolution plays throughout my mind,
Whipping through every thought as I box and battle this decision against disease, against prejudice, to fight for sanity, a pleasurable manifestation of change.
I am broken, I have been this way for quite some time as the facts choose to remain just that, facts.
With spring shall come the bittersweet rejuvenation of my re-emergence into society where nothing has changed yet everything will be different,
Where the mind and heart heals,
The  spirit shall bloom, prosper...breath.
With the transition comes hope, magic, possibilities,
And an insightful chance that came from finally making the right choice,
Taking the right turn, and out will break the miracles of life from within and throughout.
The answers will come from the darkness within the darkness.
I had to ride the rails to be saved;
Had to bathe in impunity to finally see.
To breath, to laugh, to joke, to be free, to live,
To take away the want and the need elevates the innocence and does more than open the mind as we become free.
We all have dreams, girl, we all dream.
It has become the true never ending of blossomed virtues, ambitions, goals, inhibitions, values...
This is this, and that is that.

Redlight running faster than the words I left unsaid
and in the tides of sirens I lay broken with nothing left
Looking through those shattered windows, pained eyes
Watch the hands that healed now bloodstained leave their sight
My sight

Choking on the ashes of the house we built
The world stood silent and the oceans filled
With sweat and tears paired with heartache that no one else could feel
and memories scared with sorrow of which these wounds may never heal
Let them heal
just let me heal

Gasping for the surface giving all I have
Escape the grave of suffering with my last breath
So convinced by bitterness that I may never love again
But I'll stand strong against the gods because thats just who I am

But its not for you
It never could be
and its so hard with every step we're unlearning
this house of cards is burning
burning
Down

What do the gods know
of humanity
to be unlovable
Thanks for convincing me
That I will die alone
Hurt the ones that mean the most and no one in this world was
Meant
For
Me

And its not for you
It never will be
and its so hard with every step I'm unlearning
But my hearts caught fire
and its burning, burning now.

"God why, why god? Why me? Why is life so miserable? I want to give up. Show me. Help me."

These words. The ones weighed so heavily on a hospital bed. They dragged the air down to my shoes leaving all lungs without oxygen.

The walls felt deep.

Never ending abyss of confirmed failures. Continuance of a ringing that still bleeds in my ears today. The slow beating of a flatlined life.  

This was simply the bad news on repeat. Stuttered and obliterated my brain waves that couldn't find up from down.

I've never seen a heart spread so neatly on the floor.

The pieces too small to pick up one by one. Instead we stare and observe a life not wasted across the linoleum. Watching the pieces flutter and shake in their space

So we swept the pieces into the corner. No need to keep this reality playing like elevator music. Stand by if you know what's best for ya.

These walls are for the broken hearted, the wretched, and fallen, you'll fit in just fine.

Lets push this bed out the window, it will be the first time we've been free in years. Like a bird? **** that, today we are our own.

Find wing tips fluttering fallout baby balling on a window sill. Haven't felt this way before. Outpatient freedom that will last as long as that nice pair of socks that somehow, your dryer ate and turned into lint.

I'm gonna need some therapy with that noxious cup of coffee. I can't simply continue the same beaten path.

a hole
void of light

dwelling in hellish mental wells
with no fight, flight or rational
weeeeelllllll,
.....
oh well....

man,
acclimated to dirt ceilings/sealings,
and
unless stars are aligned
will be born dead before found alive

roots from life
hang over head,
..
..**** em..
..
just empty promises
from another dead

so,

sit in solitude
a solemn wreck
show helping hands,
real neglect

to uncover this hovel.?
no shovel will do
even
a sympathy symphony
wont let light shine through

Empower.

manifest mountain-tops
from bottom rocks-once-kicked
blossom bottle-rock-ets
from sticks, stones,
and,
thoughts of home

illuminate
cold dismal walls
elucidate
ambitious calls

burst forth reborn
alter the skyline
with mind
refined

you can do anything
you put your mind to
look in the mirror
say im just tryna find you

The Universe has a vision for me, of what I am to become and Life is the artist, the sculptor. Everyday it chips away parts in which I don't need. It refines me n smoothes my sharp edges, it carves into me intricate details which will grow to define me. Everyday a part of me dies, but only to be reborn as a newer more refined individual.  Every strike of the chisel hurts, but pain is required for growth so I embrace the pain I embrace the hurt cause ultimately it will help me grow. I'm not completed yet so the blows still come, I'm an unfinished work of art. Half a stone tablet and half a man.