nowhere left to go
to roam around like my fingers
on a velvet paper field.
I feel distant interruption
intervene the altruistic crime scene
i prefer the roughness of noise
the stealthy supremacy of grain
over the oblivion
the obvious reason being the auditory
disfunction
a function
that's always heard of
but never seen.
I dive into the nuages
the new ages of the persistent sycophants
seeking the attention of the
OH-ALL-MIGHTY
that might roar up quite the anxiety
into a gullible mind.
yes, my ink's red ( i used a red pen)
i write from within
with the slightest of hints
of a proto universe
i've heard of the celestial beings
disappearing into the scenes
keep up the culture of giving in
nurtutring the neurons of those
who've locked themselves in
i mean
i can't speak but that's enough
enough to get it into your distance
consistent approach
are you listening?
flickering about in vast intervals
turbulence, i soar through
tore stooping down the
fabricated fabric of verisimilitude
similarly acknowledged but promised
to be kept seperate but equal, continuous
levelling down of the sequel
lower in position,
my questions are up to you
solipsistic depression
i endure the pain
the finest sight of stoicism
no withering
no complaints
a plain variation in the
virtual weather
the direct pressure forced
upon the grounds
to hold upto the
astounding mess.
**

Empty streets, cold sheets.
Nature will not curb her wrath,
Empty arms, gaping hearts torn apart by foolish parts.
What makes you wallow in pity and sorrow?
separated by glass and screen isn't this how it's always been?
Trapped alone, trapped with strangers, trying to avoid potential danger.
kept apart to keep you safe but yet you want to crack this safe.
Does it really matter? Twisted news an open wound hidden now by wicked spatter, you hide your face in open day yet those who don't still face the latter.
Repose in ainxous endless anger yet I still work as tensions strangle, you complain of solitude and distance matters,
yet I've longed to have those patterns,
to be open and raw, to sleep away my flaws to have time to heal what has broken and what to feel.
yet here you are, loss of work and faceless chatter.
I want a choice and I chose the clatter the words of mouth and open patterns, arm's length is not enough to keep me from falling down the ladder. I can't stand the noise the open voice " let me out!" It pleads through shallow ease as I grit my teeth.
"Let me in" I beg, mindless nights and pointless days I need those to **** this haze, yet here you beg to risk and rave to open end this massive grave.
Just let me be.
Just let me lie.
I'd rather not but would rather die.
So as you wait, open heart barred gate, think of me, and where I want to be.
And leave me there, empty heart.
Lying bare.

i was a rant for many times
of life love existence
i felt it all in ignorance

I left the pack
Cause of too many whispers
And all of the filters.
You want the listeners
And I want the strippers
They are not prisoners
They are practitioners
Unlike you “thinkers”
You gossip like sisters.
Talking **** in your slippers
And all I hear are whimpers
From all these high up sinners
Reading made up scriptures.

I dont like confrontation.
In fact I will do almost anything to avoid it if I can
Thats probably what makes me a good manager-- because I'm able to diffuse a situation before it becomes one
That's also probably why I let the trash pile up on the patio for weeks until we recieved an eviction notice
Because I'm scared of confrontation

I'm scared to tell you it hurts me that I've done the dishes the last 3 times because you wont put in a maintenance request to fix the dishwasher but I can't because you want to be here when someone comes.
I'm scared to tell you I hate that I'm the only one who takes out the trash because you ***** and gag if you touch a trash bag
Well I'm gagging too, but it has to be done because we're adults.
I'm always so happy when I come home and find the trash to be gone only to open the pantry and find the bags there. Only to open the balcony door and find the trash there.
Now that I think about it, you always complain that you'll throw up if you do it and I think that's a form of gaslighting.
I'm scared to tell you that instead of buying supplies to make cobbler when we had no food in the house, you should have bought basic materials to eat or god forbid a plunger because your toilets been clogged for 3 weeks and you have to use mine.

I'm scared to tell you I hate your rabbit and the fact that it chewed up 4 of my phone chargers, my echo plug, my laptop cord, vaccum, and is now tearing up my carpet. Oh also the fact that it's YOUR rabbit and I had to buy you hay when you were running low, but you could buy another fish tank we dont have room for.

I'm scared to tell you these habits of yours are bothering me because you're no longer lucid and I think you're slightly addicted---but everytime your boyfriend brings that up you complain.

I'm scared of confrontation. So tonight I made 4 trips to the dumpster at 2am filling my car up with garbage bag after garbage bag because I was embarrassed of how much trash we had and I didn't want the neighbors to hear or see.

I told you I was doing it at that time expecting your help, but instead you told our guest you'd waited all day for me to do it and took a trazodone and fell asleep.

Tomorrow I can already tell I'll have to wear my braces and use my cane.

Tomorrow I'll wake with baggy eyes from a sleepless night of anger of frustration of worry of tears from the fear that comes with the confrontation of the text I sent you asking you to please take out the last of the 3 trash bags by the door.

I'm waiting for the excuses.

The stars shine bright

as the moon emits light

It's all prettier than I write




I write about depression

My obsessions

and my daily confessions




It's easier to write

than to fight

most of the time




I write by candlelight

or so I wish

I instead write by a LED light

The one I bought on wish

but that's not the important bit




The sun & the moon

will always upstage

this fool

after all,

they're too

**** beautiful