fingernails to rock
crawling up this mountain,
sweat fills the air, my cheeks
flushed, embarrassed of how
much effort it takes me to
deal with this burden but it's
okay, as long as I make it
one more day. I will have won
the race against myself.

Within days
to lose your eyesight
fear boils from inside
darkness complete
never mind to drive away
racing cars impossible
retinas now stars in the sky
now that I am the passenger
in my own car, along for the ride
I observe
now I truly see

over snow fields
chimney smoke versus clouds
                         racing shadows

Take a seat, you look tired
Did you hear what she said she liked our smile, she admired
Don’t trust them remember what happened last time
Please shut the **** up I’m trying to think of a rhyme

You are trying to heal yourself, you think you can do that
Don’t tell me to look back at the **** chat
You weren’t good enough for them, you think your good for the new group
It’s not going to happen, it’s not going to loop
Oh please your so ******* stupid, you care too much about people
Shut the **** up please, you and OCD are evil
We bring you back to reality, make you see things you don’t see
I’m not getting high again, I’m not getting the Peace-Tea

You don’t need a therapist, just keep being numb
You made me ashamed of where I came from
They laughed at you for your old skin color, didn’t they
Wish I could shut you up, wish there was a way
You used to talk to me every night when your heart was hurting
You make me ******* suicidal, stop flirting
Like how you did with death multiple times, once with the rope and now with the pills
They care about me okay, I know that **** I told them gave them chills

Why can’t you leave my head alone
Bought to ******* up and leave you red and blue, maybe break a bone
Oh please not this **** again, you ****** up my mind enough
Not just me but that girl also made it rough
I still have the scar from her, you guys ****** up my feelings
Yeah we did and you were almost hanging from the ceiling
The numb feeling is wearing off, almost cried in front of them
You think they give a ****, your not a rare gem

You know our family cares about us, they don’t hate us
Oh please remember the last time you tried to talk to them and what did y’all discuss
Please they never dealt with anybody with my type of mind, it’s their first time
Nah if they could they would sell you, actually nah you ain’t worth a dime
You don’t believe any compliment we get, we have no vanity
Have you not looked at the mirror, your hideous, honestly what’s this insanity
Come on they seemed really nice, maybe they were into us though
We are going to get in the way and you already know

Take a seat, you look tired
Did you hear what she said she liked our smile, she admired
Don’t trust them remember what happened last time
Please shut the **** up, I’m trying to think of a rhyme

Hyper fixated
my mind keeps on racing
with entwined and abrasive
slights to my native ways and my nature
always finding a way to
sabotage and engrain a
sense of imminent danger
along with the worst ways to
mend and to gauge
making positive changes
on how I appear to myself in my brain
I'm hyper fixated
My mind keeps on racing...

when I am running on fumes
you fill me up.
igniting my engine to throttle a bit harder.
A bit faster.
you rev me up regardless the number of bumps,
regardless the amount of twist
and turn, in the road ahead.
my heart belongs to you.
propelling me towards the sunset.
the reason I speed down the street in this passionate flight.
Not afraid to jump any unsuspecting hill.
most might think that I am crazy, the way that I drive.
if they knew the reason why, they'd press the pedal down
as well.
when I am running on fumes, rev me up, rev me up.
Darling rev me up.
I am a well-oiled machine with a place to be.
whether towards the moon or the sun.
you're the gasoline that ignites the spark
that pushes me to go a little further.

Little footsteps in this moon dust sand,
I chase my memories as they flee my grasp,
Racing the clouds to embrace the sun.

A heart, content, is left on your doorstep,
I hope, someday, the person you are meant to become will trace back the way I came and exchange the goodbyes we once hung
out to dry.

But until then, here in this momentary stillness
An opportune silence blooms into this heart of mine,
And it seems I've misplaced it in your moonlit palm

To get back
in the game,
I need one
good hit.
A horse with
early lick;
that has more
heart than
Joe Louis
and Jake
LaMotta
combined.
I need decent odds,
at least 8-1.
The racing
gods have to
smile on me
one more time.
At least for
6 furlongs,
and then baby,
I'm back in the
game.

Yeah yeah I see it now
Your cold embrace
And sweat on the brow

Sure sure it might have been
The sleepless night
Full of wicked sin

Blah blah was your last line
Into a wasteland
And here’s my sign