at times
i have to remind myself
i am here
right now
i exist
in a million possible times
in a million possible places
in a million possible bodies
i am here
and so
i am struggling
trying to find the why
trying to find a reason
of all the possible times
of all the possible places
of all the possible bodies
sometimes i do not understand
why now
why here
why me

i recall the soft touch of your hand
on my infant cheek--

so delicate in the moment,
but so menacing later on.

i recall the warmth of your skin
as it comforted my shaking hand--

so calm in the moment,
but so frightening later on.

i recall the sweetness of your smile
as it had shone its luminescent glow upon me--

so beautiful in the moment,
but so unsettling later on.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~­~~~


i can't quite understand
why you no longer hold my hand.

see, you have a light touch so full of love,
that it could burst at any moment--
giving way to something sour.

i don't see the reason
for you to make my eyelids change color every season.

see, i have bruises like silk
and blood like milk--
your emotions could drink it all in one sitting.

i don't understand
why my heart still beats if the scale of my wrongdoing is so grand.


see, i have a droplet of hope,



but it falls into an ocean of fear

i do not know
what to write,

so i fill the empty spaces of my sentence
with the teardrops from the previous paragraph.

i do not know
what to say,

so i repeat the verse
i started yesterday.

i do not know
what my direction is,

so i write the stanza
winding into nothingness like a bookcase.

i do not remember
how i write my poems,

so i draw from feelings
felt long ago.

i do not remember
how to read,

so i recall a passage from a chapter book
i have yet to finish.

i do not know
if this has a rhythm or an order,

but i know i will find it soon.

poetry will come back to me
on the next crescent moon.

The wind speaks to me at night
It cascades and whistles in mid flight
I see in it the wonder
And destruction like the thunder
It tells me of the clouds
And how they love to clump in crowds
Perhaps the wind will save us
With it's mighty and powerful gust
I wish to ask it questions
And to express my confessions
The howling shrieks seems mournful
Like those of a mere mortal
I suppose nothing is free from pain
Even nature is bound by chain
How I long to ask the wind
Why it's voice must rescind
For days at a time it will not visit
My window pane forgets its kisses
As I forget its touch on my skin
I wonder where my wind has been