how would you know how hard it is

waiting
waiting
waiting

i just want you
only you
where are you

piles of used tissues
theres something you dont know about the issues
we all have it
so accept it
dont get away with it

who
why
when
where
how
which one should i use to ask you

never understands
all my faults
stops
bits

I don't know what I feel.
I don't know who,
or what I like.
I just know,
that I do not feel
the embers,
I am blind to the spark -
The light

I think back on that time,
To that shallow kiss
I know that it was warm.
I know that it was nice.
Hell, I was on cloud nine.
But the moment passed.
And the butterflies were...sparse.

Was it him or me?
Was I just too slow?
Or he too fast for me?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I just...
don't know.

Three or four years
have gone since then,
And I still wonder why
Then I remember -
That wasn't the only time

There had been others before
We had courted,
And I was always wishing
I were elsewhere
Trying to spring forth
All of those feelings -
To lay my heart bare
...but they just weren't there

I still feel like the moth
With no flame
My heart,
In a state of decay
Now and then there is a stutter -
A flutter
Of something
I try to hold it -
But it just flies away

You may as well smear me
Across that windowpane

There are terms now
for what I could be,
The letters "A" and "D"
might feel like me
But I won't say a thing -
Not a peep
Not 'til I'm sure,
Until I'm really sure,
of what makes my heart truly sing

There's a pressure,
a quiet, constant hum
To know
who and what I am

They ask when
Not if I'll marry,
Bare children -
And start a family
Well let's just say,
That I'll not tarry,
To find a way
Out of the charade

Motherhood never spoke to me
It seems a cage -
Agony
I've only ever wished
to be free
Free to inspire,
To create
To ponder
Free to roam,
To dream
To learn
If only I knew the secret
For what makes me burn

But maybe it's okay
Not to know
Maybe I'm still blooming—
Unfolding slow, unseen
In the dark, I find
I do not cower
Instead, I glow -
I, the moonflower.

I will not blaze,
In the ways they expect
I will not leave entrails in the sky
But I still reach -
Only quiet,
and deliberate -
For the stars in the night
For why

I still hold onto your fantasy in my head, tight.
Can you feel the memories at night?
Or are you completely alright?
Do you replay every detail in your head, too?

I believed in your potential even if your damage grew.
I realized they were always there, the clues,
A part of me still wants you to remember though, just for the sake of the blues.

I guess there was no way clear,
Your voice's still ringing deep inside my ear.
I know it'll pass and i'd be healed,
But i can't help and peel
My lips, when i think about everything,

Will we ever get closure or just nothing?
Guess i'll get my tea,
sit on that breezy balcony,
And try to do nothing.

It's three A.M. again...
The night's silence feels like a scream.
I found myself analyzing, once again.
Stress makes my skin itching
Till I let it bleed, bursting.

Disappointments from unsuccessful attempts calling,
Waking my buried feelings, making them digging
My wall that i long tried to built strong

I can feel the sun's plans to rise along
After that, perhaps i'll hear some chirping from birds' songs
And maybe then, these feelings will be gone.

I'll let myself fall into dreams-
A chance to run away from real things-
Until I find myself thinking:
It’s three A.M. again...

Every mistake I’ve made feels as heavy as they made by one hundred men
And maybe when the clock hits six,
I can finally sleep then.