I Can Write But I Can’t Speak

I can write but I can’t speak.
It’s as if God says,
“You have a message.  Write the words.
I’ll give written words a glaze,
But eloquence that can be heard’s
Off limits, for I slow you down
For honesty, integrity:
To **** the vanity you’ve sown.
I’ll make you stumble, clumsy, dumb,
Slow-thinking, witless,
Sounding somewhat girlish.
I’ve obscured your verbal self
So that you can’t impress.
I keep you in the house
So you must guess
What is and what is not success.

Left there to stammer,
Lose my language;
Syntax, grammar
In a sandwich
Of aphasic doublethink,
The phrases weak,
Technique oblique,
My karma manifestly leaking,
Left to do my dharmic seeking,
(Swim or sink)
Through scribbled, scratched and silent ink.

I Can Write But I Can’t Speak 2.11.2003

I’m a man made of broken relations
one piece from each
each has a story of its own
one that gets me closer to being complete.

Sometimes I say to myself
that I need no one by my side
I convince my inner me
that I can be both -
the one that needs and
the one that fulfils.

I adore the darkness
yet I crave for the moonlit skies
In its calmness, I feel alive again
And continue my quest to find a better me.

I close my eyes, and I hear me breathe
I sway like the carefree wind
as they sing in harmony with the leaves.
As I open them, I find myself back in my den
searching for the switch to play it all over again.

I'm weathered and weary from shapes of greed
Their colors mislead me
I am naive
But I know eyes that taste
Without seeing
Now you know me, don't you?
But you are just waiting.

I am tired of this misinterpreted concept
I am tired of our tangled body's, this act between two that is only about you.
I'm tired of not being able to dance freely in fear of needy hands and sharp teeth
Pressuring possessiveness
Climb into your soul and off of my body
See that I am a creature of uninterrupted freedom
I will not answer to your hollow eyes
Your misconstrued ideas of love constructed by a society that forgot to feel
That forgot to see
That forgot that you are you and I am me

I will not answer to your hollow eyes
You are not welcome here.

What if I told you that even with your demons I adore you
I must implore you
to not let the negatives push you away and scorn you
No matter what transpires my heart will remain loyal
You hold my mind
And mi corazoñ
Them both
captives of your grace
I see the pain hidden behind your face
Although your beauty it doesn't erase
It shows how deep of a journey your love would take
See I too often gaze upon your beauty
In search for the mystery  in your fate
And Of your way to love
And To understand your history
Even me being unknowing
I'm amazed by your mystery

Lack of emotion
Like life and nothing more
Walking up and down
Having no feeling, no ambition
Music in the background, no meaning

They say I'm living but no being understands

Wake up, no hope
The dark a hopeless glimmer

I
Walk
Endlessly
Directly
To
My
Death

Treasured steps become
Long trails in the sandy path
A timeless journey

4/23/2017