I cannot see my heart in anyone else's hands
but yours.
The fact that you hold on so tightly
whether you intend to or not
is still there every moment of every day.
Your attempts,

if that's what they are,


to         push      me      away,
areonlypullingmecloser.

I cannot let go of this rope I'm holding on to, this line between me and you.

If my hands set you free you'd no longer be cared for properly

and that's what I fear the most.

Everything would come to an end,my love
             even the frenzied season of love we celebrate.
In loneliness I muse, dreamily
             pour the molten gold of my heart, incessantly
in to molds one after another;
            on this one I don't have to remind myself not even once,
in my consciousness  this abstract is darkly painted
                 on it's live silvery screen:

She sits waiting patiently for me to come to rest,
                 in that secluded, quiet house
where love and longing, sighs and moans,
                  even the poetic cadence, my only aphrodisiac,
like many hued evening clouds,
                       disappear in the dark, till the next day dawns.

In this limited life
Spent on the pursuit of happiness
And the discovery of oneself
Maybe we have wasted too much time

Maybe we let the promise of happiness blind us
And settled for temporary pleasures
Maybe we let the fear of dying get to us
And mistook comfort for bliss

Maybe we should’ve been living
Not for the sake of just being alive
Not for the sake of collecting memories and moments
But for the sake of feeling alive and happy and content

Maybe we shouldn’t have ignored
The throbbing feeling in our chests
Maybe we shouldn’t have avoided
The gut-wrenching decisions we had to make

Because in our evanescent lives
We ignored the real things
And chased after fake butterflies
Even when we knew they were fake all along

And we tried so hard
To mask our pain and melancholy
With a stiff smile and a happy façade
And we shouldn’t have

We thought we were living
By avoiding the horrible parts of life
And putting up a beautiful façade
Of a life we didn’t allow ourselves to have

It was like the room was mute
After our boundary dispute
You are a person of repute
Taking over my pursuit
I wish you'd not commute

but everything is so quiet

The bus roars on
With blinding speed
Sparing nothing behind
Crushing each object on its way
To where it goes?
No one knows.
Passengers sit
Going along
Towards futility
Pockets heavy
Like never again
Expressions dead
Like never before
In a trance
They were not so always
When kids,
They'd never known of the bus
Till while growing up they heard about it
And till it finally made
That perilous halt
Right at their doorstep!
Yet they wanted to keep away
But were stealthily enticed
Led!
Forced!
Pushed into!
Driven!
Inside the bus....
On the bandwagon
And once inside
The noise and shine
All shut their eyes
And blinded their eyes
Froze their brains
And now
They became one of them..
Them travellers...
All in vain to be...
If only I'd stayed behind
away from all this show
I'd have had so much more!
Who wants the comfort of these seats
Or the delicacies they serve here
Niether the coins of gold and silver
They keep stuffing in our pockets
Making them heavy
So I can't get up
And run out
And I guess
No matter how much i wish otherwise
I have to stay
So that each time I pass my house
I can throw all coins I've collected
And yet
Each time my pockets feels light
I wish to go out
But!
More coins
Bigger and shinier
Would be stuffed in
And the weight
Would anchor me down
Ah!Life!
I miss all of it!
All of what is out there
I can see
See... but do nothing
I look around in the bus
Eyes with fulfilled hollowness
Yearnings
Wants
And underlying concealed longings
So devoid of joy
Or any emotion
Blinded by ever increasing ambitions
Yet decorated
With memories
That slowly drain away
Desires....
When did they last sit with friends
On a careless bench in the park
Laughing.
Talking.
Mocking.
Enjoying.
Living!
When did they last stop
To feel the air all cool and comforting
Dance around them?
When did they last feel
The joy of the innocent raindrops
Hearing it pitter patter on their umbrellas
See it skip in the water
And then feel it dissolve in their skin.
When last did they sit with their mothers
And cried their hearts out?
Or just talk with her
Thank her
And tell her how much they love her
When did they last spare moments
To forget all world
And get lost in old photographs
Remains of the past
Of time that was the sweetest
And that which never again would be.
When last did Anton who sits all faded at the back
Paint with his beloved brushes
Coloured the canvas
Coloured his world
When did Raghav
Who now lies beside me like a lifeless carcass
Last flirt with his romantic guitar
Wearing music
That made him look so full of life
Their fingers are all decayed
Stiffened
Under the load of crude machines
When did that old man
Last hug his son
And kissed his daughter
What was the last time when
That woman danced
To her favourite songs
Not at a party
Not for concerts
But for herself
To give her that joy
And the sheer euphoric high
Oh!
We have missed out so much!
Stray walks in the parks
On cold grass
Thousands of sunrises and thousands of sunsets
Gazing at the ever changing clouds
Dancing with the winds
Talking to friends
And family
Who are real and not just some animated strangers
Who appear each night for an hour
And then ravish
We have missed out on those walks in the sends
Barefoot
Just staring at the opera of water with ripples and wares
Admiring the night sky
Watching those many birds
Fly high
Carefree
Unbound
We have missed out on those unbeatable flavours
That mothers conjure.
Those rides on the bikes,
Away from worries.
Those strolls with the beloved.
Those heartiest of laughs with siblings.
Those cleverest of pranks.
Those sweetest of quarrels,
The sheer enigma of accompanying silence,
When we sat with ourselves.
Oh! We have missed it all!
Now the world is this bus
Where each one travels
Willingly or otherwise
Passengers keep adding
Once in,
You cannot go out
And the slightest of attempts
Raises so many brows
And all stares are on you
And so you have to let go
Just continue sitting in the bus
Lying there like a prisoner of our own law
And what you get in the end is nothing
Just pass on the legacy
To travellers who come
Keep coming.
I know how much I've missed
I know how much I've lost
Oh! How I'd give anything to get out
Where i could have all that i really want
This world with its ways
Constantly suffocates me
Darkness smuggles around me
My tears are all drained out
My voice lies buried somewhere within
And emotions have long extinguished out
Driving me mad
As each second counts ahead
I see the bus marching gallantly
Destroying all dreams
That are strewn ahead
Some of them are mine
Or were....
And more of them will come
And be destroyed
And can I do just nothing
But sit here hopelessly
Be led
And driven
To empty glory
Away from all that I have?
From all that I steadily lose?
From all that I care for?
From all that I want?
Oh! Enough!
I have had a lot of this ride
Now make way for me
I am done with this confinement
And now I reclaim my life.
Ah! They stare at me again
Raising their brows
Horrid expressions
As if I am wrong!
Who cares what they think!
I am now going back
Some of them want to come with me
But are scared of others
But I have seen a lot!
Take these empty coin of yours, I say
Throwing them all away and rising up
My breath is returning and so is my voice
I'm going back to where I'll be free
And happy!
And be able to live and not just drag on!
And so the bus slows and I shout to the driver
Stop this world!I want to get off!

Every day is like another challenge
Another chance to survive
We boast and gloat
Off the little we know
You discover more when you are open
With no expectations of what’s to be
Until you develop your own morals
You unfurl your tainted schemes
Ruin your reputation
There is no much you've failed to seek
Oh darling
Your intentions pure
Not pure enough to save the tainted ground in which you step
I can tell you’re upset
About the outcomes of the dreams
May you weep in sorrow?
Even though tomorrow
Holds another key
To another door
To another world of opportunity
If only you’re crusted eyes could see
The potential of passion
Within the being
Let your veins bleed out the poison
Your induced drug like reality
Binging on sweet alcohol and smoking down your regrets
But are they regrets? Or disappointments of who you are
We see those nights reflect in the mirror
The grim look upon your young face
The crinkle marks faded where your smile used to be
Running from fears and broken hearts
Sitting in the rain
Cold, worn and rejected
When even turned up in the dirt
They still pick for more
I’m fearful to die alone
To fade unnoticed
To have loved is to have felt great pain
To have lived is to have gained and lost
When the day is old and you lay to rest your head
Don’t be troubled by your past
Or fear the unknown
For one day we will stumble upon
The greatest gift
Unconditional love and affection

The flesh lusts daily against the Spirit
and the Spirit wars contrary to the flesh.
The opposing tenets of grace and iniquity
can never with each other… completely mesh.

For the redeemed sinners operate by grace,
while the practitioners of unrighteousness
prefer the dark, ungodly ways of wickedness
and will not inherit the Kingdom’s fullness.

Fleshly works are clearly evident: adultery,
fornication, idolatry, sorcery, uncleanness,
contentions, jealousies, ****** immorality,
hatred, envy, revelries and evil-mindedness.

Fruits of the sinful flesh are plain to see
and spirits cringe- at their being mentioned.
Can we expect others to pursue God’s holiness,
when people are upset- from being questioned?

For we live under God’s grace and not His Law;
His righteous wrath will be eventually revealed.
Acceptance of His gift of Salvation can insure…
that our lives will have been redeemed and sealed!
.
.
.
Author Notes:

Loosely based on:
Gal 5:16; Rom 1:18-32, 2:1-16

Learn more about me and my poetry at:
http://amzn.to/1ffo9YZ

By Joseph J. Breunig 3rd, © 2013, All rights reserved.

You never cease to surprise me
I'm always entertained
And through your constant shock value
You always slip away

See, what's mine is what I keep
It never leaves my sight
But in a moment of pure surprise
In a manner so mild, so trite

You break my expectations
You twist away from me
This is the longest I've kept pursuit
This is how pursuit should be!

Craving, chasing, courting
Salivating when victory draws near
Elusive, evading, ensnaring
An exquisite prey of no fear.

This is a game!
This is how life should be!
And the best of the best is that
No-one's playing but me!

You don't see the board
But I see every piece
And yet you lead me and dupe me
In a game never to cease.

Oh that I could continue forever
With you, I'd never tire
And you'd work me down to bones
And I'd beg you, "Take me higher"

May you never lose your shock value
You're never what I expect
And I'll forever be infatuated
With your difference from the rest.