The angel of death kissed me and my mouth sputtered out rusty crimson blood
It slid down my cheek and dropped vertically off my chin
Down to the ground,
Hitting hard against the concrete floor of this cell
I watch it spread out and soak in
Little dribbles hitting down again now and then

I hear the steel doors shake
Piercing rattling in the hollow hall
I hear a shriek

My hair stands on end
Pricking my neck
Goosebumps rise
Pushing the air away from me

I am cold
Cold skin and a cold heart
It beats so slow
Maybe it will stop soon, altogether
Oh god I hope so

Kristina, my friend that I adore.
Kristina, you smiling bubbly joy.
In the dark hours we talked and talked.
When the summer came the world we walked.
I held you close when times we tough.
You held me back, strong but not rough.
Your eyes glisten a deep dark brown.
A face to beautiful to know a frown.
And then he came.
You speak with him, while I wait in the rain.
My hopes and dreams circling the drains.
But still I'm happy that you are too.
Because that is love if the love is true.
I hope he makes you happy, stays loyal through thick and thin.
But we both know that’s not the case.
So why did you choose him?

I'm just a heap of flesh,
caged in a madhouse,
executed, electrified,
spitting in the face of God
in white suit,
dancing with Satan.

Seduced and sedated,
chained to my bed.
Hallucinating heaven,
hiding from hell,
and the seraphs strike again
with a fiery blade.

Down on my knees I fell,
breaking my own back
to become “human,”
soulless, faceless, thoughtless.
Without brain, insane,
I transcend.

Imprinting soul in these walls,
painted with blood.
With nails writing on doors
stories of past.
Where are they taking me?
No! Just stop!

Fourteen attempts of death
was not enough
to get me out.
They chained my mind
to this prison of dark
'till death do us part.

Push my head underwater and let me breathe liquid
Forget that I'm a person with a life and ambitions
but let's not think about that because apparantly that's not important

I didn't know you kept a chainsaw in your office
Until the day I was in the middle of speaking and you started to cut off my limbs
your argument was that it would prevent risk

Temporarily isolating myself for a better cause
Your involvement made me begin planning homicide
well as long as i'm socialising, it's fine isn't it

Dressed for the mourning of a grandparent
I get told I'm wearing too little and a staff member comments on my ****
but in community meeting, it's the patients that are said to be the ones talking inappropriately to staff

What if one day we both brought a gun inside
I bet it will be me who is tortured for it

Step on the scale
fidget
fidget
"Three Digits!"
f a t

Shuffle back to Your Room
p r i s o n  c e l l

8:00AM
Drag yourself to the main desk
The Morning Medication line is long today
m i n d l e s s

Pretty pills fill your palm
They have changed colors today
They are all shapes, large and colorful
c y a n i d e

PLUNK PLUNK PLUNK

They dive into your empty stomach
Swim in acid and glide through your veins

Emotional Morphine-
You await the glorious numbness
s a n i t y

and still you crave the blade.

*b l o o d

The other day
I stood atop the old psychiatric center
and stared at the sky.
I marveled at the stars
and how close I felt to them,
while I was 12 stories of abandonment
and insanity and torment high.
I couldn't help but truly feel the
stars were like scars etched into the sky.
It made me think of the patients
who were left to rot
in the building I was standing on.
They looked so alive, yet
they were already dead.