I picked this up as you came to mind
on any other day this would have been a lucky find
"Does it fit?" "Is it too grand a gesture?"
I stand still as doubt starts to fester
Commitment at our age? at this point of our story?
Or is it not soon enough? should I engage and not feel sorry?
The ring is a circle that loops in my hand
From brown, blue then purple I hold on to understand
Would they laugh? Would I care? Would you even be there?
Should I ask? Would you stare, feeling scared while i was unaware?

It haunts me to know my heart went this far
It wants me  to show the start, till we do part
I don't know the future, yet I know you
Maybe we're both crazy, you feel it this strong too?
Am I overreacting? Is this just another plan
To finally see if I get you in my hands?

Regardless, I'll do it, we've made it thus far
And even though we may be stuck wherever we are
I'll look forward to putting it on, preparation for what could be
Perhaps it's destiny, leading you to me
May the future be as bloodied and grim as it wants
I just want you to be happy and grim and grin, please give me this chance
I promise to give my all, through hell and even heaven
A promise to stay true, even if the years take seven

Battered by idolatrous affections,
my soul cried out to Him whose love is true
to cleanse my wants and with His grace renew
my thoughts from toxicating past infections.
“Feast on My Word,” He said, “and you shall find
everything you need for restoration
in My promises of assured salvation—
deliverance for spirit, heart and mind.
When trusting Me, I’ll keep your soul in peace
and unfold joy as you learn to obey,
to follow Me upon Life’s Highest Way,
where burdens know My paramount release.
Through longings, losses, trials, sorrows, pains
My Word unleashes monumental gains.”

For each new promise made
we broke the one before


-em vidar

you know what *****?
waking up all alone in the morning, without him next to you.
you know what *****?
that all of his clothes you have doesn't smell like him anymore.
you know what *****?
no longer receiving forehead kisses and unexpected hugs.

it just ***** that you could spend all this time with someone you thought you'd marry, just to find out 5 years later that it wasn't going to work out.

if only, there was time.
if only, someone showed us a sign.
if only, we could have turned back time.

that's a lot of what-ifs to ponder, but I suppose it is what it is.

a love that was snatched from you in the blink of an eye even after the grieving phase is over, with explanations that you will never accept.

a love that was undeniably strong especially when you thought the two of you would be forever.

lie to me love
forget that I hurt
forget my past traumas
push the knife in my back

promise me forever
though you'll never stay
leave me breathless
then rip my heart out

remind me that love is pain
future hurt guised as affection
promises are just words
waiting to be broken

Seconds go by in tender bliss
We smell roses and stain our hands with
crushed petals.
Declarations of life long rumination
live between the distance in our
exchanged affirmations.
Happiness opens its undisguised embrace
As the silence between our spoken words
fills the gaps of our stuttered promises.

Promises
Are sometimes like
Bleak tattoos
With faded outlines
Like an indelible scar
And sometimes like
Empty coffee cups
Without a single trace
Just a faint moment--
Something you once
Held on to