My psychiatrist told me to
Paint him a picture
Of a better future.

So I said:

“Give me the ability to discern the truths
In my heart from the lies in my mind.”

Only then can there be progress.

I’m trapped in a room where the door is open but I can’t get out,

I’m screaming my head off but no one can hear me shout,

I’m struggling to breathe but there’s plenty of oxygen,

I crave an escape from this concrete metropolitan,

Blinded by this plastic smile they can’t see I’m stuck in my own personal hell,

I’m walking around frantically trying to get someone to notice that I’m an empty shell,

Tragically, I’m physically heathy with food to eat and a family yet I can’t seem to stop thinking about ending myself,

What’s wrong me, that I can’t be happy when I literally have nothing to be sad about?

But that’s the thing the numbness, you can’t stop it, it doesn’t discriminate,

It doesn’t care whether your a man, a women, a criminal, or a saint,

It just wants to fill you up till you can’t get out of bed,

It makes you a prisoner inside your own head,

Who could I tell? How would I explain it so someone could understand when I don’t even understand,

When I’ve succumbed to the madness who will lend me their hand ?

So I don’t tell anyone & suffer in silence, when the thoughts start creeping up again,

I smother them in cigarette smoke wishing I had prescription for Xanax or Vicodin.

Someday soon,
under a new sun,
We will sing a bird's song of white and gold hues.
Of beaming light.
Of warmth encompassing all that we love.
And it will be magnificent.

Tears grow heavy as you watch all that you once were begin to rust away.
You do not feel sadness,
but nostalgia,
as clouds containing past lives and past loves circle the space around your head,
Screaming in your ears.
However, you know that becoming a new bundle of energy and knowledge is a great expedition you must embark on by your lonesome, without distraction of any sort.

Those dust-covered shoes struggle to comply at first,
But without any other hesitation,
you set off towards a door that has now made itself known.
With a hand pushing through,
you turn to look at the carcass of twisted memories and,
not knowing if this is directed towards yourself or maybe something bigger than that,
you ask aloud,
"please, tell me before I go, who was this one? This time around, who was I?"

I was allowed discharge after one year of progress,
And after a few measly weeks, I’m going back.
I don’t feel like a failure,
I’m just frustrated.
I thought that maybe the uphill battle would finally mellow out, but I’m getting bad again.
So I’m going to pick up the phone before I lose function,
Make and appointment,
And regress a few weeks.
But that’s okay,
Because recovery is not a straight line.

Man
Invents Art.

Man
Learns
To appreciate Art.

Man
Realizes
Whole world,
Whole universe,
Is Art.

Man
Invents God.

Man learns
To appreciate God.

Man
Realizes,
Whole world,
Whole universe,
Is God,
Is Art.

Man
Invents religion.

Man
Learns to fear God.

Man
Forgets,
Whole world,
Whole universe,
Is God,
Is Art.

Man
Invents sin.

Man
Learns
Art is sin.

Man forgets,
Whole world,
Whole universe,
Is Art,
Is God.

Man
Invents hate.

Man
Learns
To hate other man.
Other man different,
Other man never learn fear,
Other man still Artist.
Other man never learn,
Art is sin.

Man
Forgets,
All men,
All people,
Are Art,
Are God.

Man
Invents law.

Man
Learns
To use law
As a weapon
Against other man.

Other man
Realizes,
Man
forgot,
All men,
All people,
Are Art,
Are God.

Other man
Invents teaching.

Other man
Teaches man,
"Remember,
All men,
All people,
Whole world,
Whole universe,
Is Art,
Is God.

Other man
Realizes,
Man too blind,
Too afraid,
To see truth;
Whole world,
Whole universe,
Is Art,
Is God.

Man
Invents war.
Kills other man.

Man
Refuses to learn,
Whole world,
Whole universe,
Is Art,
Is God.

Man
Forgets,
Man
And Other man
Are same.
Both are Art.
Both are God.

Man
Invents propaganda.

Man
Teaches man
"Other man different.
Other man bad.
Other man sin.
Be afraid,
Be very afraid."

Man
Kills other man.

Man
Invents self-delusion.

Man
Learns
To believe what man was taught;
Other man scary,
Other man hates man,
Hates God.

Man
Never realizes
Other man,
All men,
Whole world,
Whole universe,
Is God,
Is Art.

Man
Never realizes,
He is other man,
Other man is him.

living:

1.) the kindest thing i’ve ever done
for all the ones i love

2.) the best thing i’ve ever done
for myself

3.) the opportunity
to be alive and actually live;
to live and feel alive