my inbox is a wonderland
            a rollercoaster;
    an amusement park itself!

four years ago
           said the time stamp
    he said "hi"

no matter how much i boast
           on my way with words
    most times i'm just lost.

my inbox is a wonderland
            a rollercoaster;
    an amusement park itself!

seven years ago
           said the time stamp
    she said, "you're not my friend."

no matter how much i boast
           with my way with people
    every relationship comes out with scars.

my inbox is a wonderland
            a rollercoaster;
    an amusement park itself!

five years ago,
            as indicated by the time stamp
    my friend told me, "i hope it gets better for you"

no matter how much i boast
           about my big heart and love for them
    i always forget to tuck them close.

The things we do
that we can’t do
in public
excites me.

Kiss
Hold hands
Embrace -

I thought
our consciousness
was supposed
to tell us
we are alive,
we are human.

But why does
it stops us
from doing things
others can?

We are different;

In public,
we are private
In private
we are public.

Who’s to blame?-

Never mind.

I love you,
And that’s all that matters.

Crinoline filaments
Rolling over and over
Mid-flight the ochre velvet ribbons sailed to the left
Instead of to the right
Two feet retreating
But with one shoe on

Memory returns
For a few seconds of
the calamity
At that private house in Paris
She’d tumbled down the central staircase
Sailing with legs overhead
until she stopped miraculously with her ***
at the shining leather toes of the footman.
He kept his head up.
She wore a beautiful dress.
Her hair was quite precise and she hoped that that would be a sufficient enough apology towards an empty silence.

But this isn’t that.
I shoved her.
And she went willingly. They all do.
We’re roughly a group of fifty-three.

Gathering in the last few years
Whispering over drinks
of tumors
And vascular difficulties
Of pills and appointments and forgetfulness
They never mentioned that
In those climate controlled rooms with
Blackboards covered in Latin and Trigonometry
Of the body’s failure.
Now there’s no longer any mention made of the kids
or whether or not that husband was worth the bother

Did we notice atop
The balance beam not a peep was mentioned
About the moment when you can no longer walk or stand?
That the brain asks please but the body will not comply?
How cool the marbled floor feels against your cheek while you lay for hours in your own feces?
One can rest comfortably knowing at long last that that wallpaper was the right choice.
Kept one really engaged while waiting and waiting for someone.
And that is just the beginning, right?

Perhaps some assumed that the end would come with a daily circle reviewing the contents of their chamber ***
Grimacing and worn
While they recline in white nightclothes
Something akin to what they saw on the BBC

Perhaps a startled disquiet at the rebuke of their intent and gamely stares from a premiere specialist in Switzerland
an expert in alternative therapies
for what someone dared call
terminal
Anyway, this is quicker.

So we’ve come together
As sisters
And when the time is right I get the call
We go onto the roof
There’s an elevator now because
Otherwise that wouldn’t work
And one by one
In small batches
They are dispatched
It doesn’t take as long as you would think
We are confident and have agency
We were taught that we could do anything
And they are right.

The ones with a lot of metal can be a bit tricky
They have balance issues
But are always chic and always polite
There was a time when we were forced to be together when we clearly did not want to.
We never thought as one.
Some families are better than others.
But everything is different now

One day it will be my turn and
I wonder who will deliver me?
And what shall I wear?
Will I try to see where I’m going or will I rest comfortably in my finale.

I adore the way the wind catches the cloth.
How the crystalline beads are removed around the neck and handed over
so as not to add to any distraction
Or delay
The pinky coral mouthed “Thank you” and
And the sweet eyes that once were bright and shining say their
Goodbyes
Rippling
twirling
looping
interweaving
cascading
Down.

blue
what does it mean to you?
a color
an emotion
maybe it even reminds you of a song
but do you ever stop and think
wonder just a little
how blue is seen by other people?
or, not just blue,
any color at all?