It's been 26 years and I'm finally letting out these held back tears
Of confessing to my family and friends of all my hidden fears
Another beer..a lack of drive cause I'm too drunk to ******* steer...the end feels near but I wanna be better than what ya see...who I appear
100 friends yet, they never call and call only when it's a need
I ******* bleed to please all of what ya need! But is it me? Of course it's me... I'm a monster who can't control his emotions that's why my 5 yr love decided to flea. Do I care? Will they always be there? Why do I repeat this *******...is life truly fair?
Fake success...maybe dress to impress...care a lil less and show your ignorant heart with your hollow chest! You can't impress people who already saw you at your best.
You're a poet, hell of a writer with the ambition to change the world! Yet your dark heart has made it impossible for you to remain with any girl...your mind twirls...your soul spins...gain a loss, forget a win...maybe it's time for you to finally look at yourself from within. Where have you been? Have you ever been honest? You can't escape this quick sand! TELL EM YOUR TRUTH! "Hi, my name is Bland" TELL EM YOUR WEAKNESS! I look in the mirror and it's ME i can't stand! "TELL EM MORE! AND DONT LIE!"...I tried and and continue deny. I'm a selfish individual who can't see things for what's right, so I pray selfishly to have "God" listen only to make everyone I ever spoken to a victim of my mission to do whatever the **** I want without permission...(I can't do this anymore!) FINISH! Okay! I'm not okay...I draw picture in my head, of a bed...of dirt and roses that say my name where I lay cause I have more issues than CNN and never know when the right time is to vent, cause I'm a self centered person who could honestly careless...and if it was your life I would probably Payless for me to no longer feel stress and sell you for me to come out best and invest in money power and false respect...I'd sell your soul for myself...I need help ******, .IM SORRY! Please make me stop... NO! YOU HAVE A LIL MORE TO SAY...okay! One day I woke up and told myself I may have nothing left to say and I can't stand the way how most people speak to me and the stupid **** they say so I pretend to listen and care but really I stare and am no longer there and I treat people like **** and use anger as a protectant so that no one can get close...my temper...please they won't dare...but I'm a little boy inside who is terrified and sacred and have no idea how to sleep peacefully because I'm addicted to the nightmares and I sit next to family in an attempt to fit in meanwhile look at my ******* skin...bottom line is, I'm nothing like these people from texture to within...I love to sin and I haven't meditated more than 15 minutes...I just say this **** so ya leave me alone and pretend to think I'm a good person and did it. Now I'm alone and possible insane! TELL EM BLAND! Idk what's wrong with my brain...I can't escape my mental cage...I feed off the world's rage and hate people who change. But I will change! Give me a chance, devil! Let me try to grow? You know what's best for me or you're a master of this manipulation? How do you know? Just let me feel something and be better than what itvm is...my past...let me seek the potential of being better than my dad. I'm not afraid! STF... NO! I'm not done talking, walking and following what it is I'm finally becoming! No longer running! As the alarm goes off and tells me to wake up and make up for my past and grow and feel the sun to warm my "cold heart" and see life for all its beauty, love in the air...seeing how a good thing last. I'm not afraid of your spew and all you do! And you trying to take your pitch fork and stick me of all the evil that resides in you! And yet, I will be something more of what I never knew id ever be! WHO THE ******* THINK YOU TALKING T... nobody, for once I'm talking to me Speaking to you as I continue and find what it is I can finally reach! Honesty, family, friends, love and myself...with everything else I always wanted to be! as I finally open my eyes and see...me.
I've kept a lot this a secret and had no idea it would finally come out for me to share...
No ones perfect...I just hope this doesn't change your perception of me...I truly changed...please...I need ya there.

My reflection is damaged.
I am too afraid to touch
the mirror,
for I do not wish to know
what is beyond the shards
of my shattered reflection.

I weep
for the hours I have lost,
strung out in discontent.

I turn and walk,
seeking the shadows
that hide my true face.

Strange Territory
the wilds of the human mind
unfathomable

Temptations are hiding in the lines of her skin.
She is the only book you can read in the dark.
She could destroy most men with just a flick of her hair.
But she can really rip your soul out with her stare, eyes brighter than a supernova and her smile, more mind blowing than the black holes she creates.
Her body, is the creation of infinity. Her voice is the reason there is no gravity in space.
She is acid rain running down your face and leaving you with that bitter taste.
She is the feeling of warmth, in an ice cold embrace.
I would imagine she is the reason men like me are here to write her into poetry. She is simply, just, a woman.

Poetry is nothing
but a play on words
that when properly tuned,
will play its melody on your heartstrings.

-bes-

Have you time for me?
I often think in the heart!
You are Time my Lord!