This is not a poem, just letting you know.

Do I believe in a god?
The short answer: not really.

    Now, allow me to expand. I can't believe in a god anymore. Evolution is very understandable, if you really open your mind to it. The idea isn't that humans evolved directly from monkeys, but that monkeys and humans share a common ancestor. Other than that, according to the bible, Earth is a lot younger than is reasonable; scientists are able to test dirt, and rock, to date the age of our planet. Many Christians believe the earth to be only 6000 - 15000 years old. That is ridiculous. By testing ancient rock in Australia, scientists have determined that Earth is probably around 4.54 billion years old.

    Another scientific reason that I believe God, and religion, is probably malarkey, is that there isn't a single speck of proof. Supposed miracles aren't proof. Faith is not proof. There is NO proof. Also, the fact that scientists can strip down most anything and look at the chemicals and other substances that make it up seems to go against the idea that an all-powerful, perfect creator poofed everything into existence. Scientists are able to explain how everything happens - gravity, orbiting, radiation, etc.

    If it was all created by a magical being, I think it'd be impossible to analyze and pick apart the way we've managed to. We've managed to cure diseases, increase life spans, and do remarkable things with science, and yet it is all dismissed. There are more scientific reasons I don't believe, but let's move on.

    I also have ethical objections; I don't believe that an "all-loving" god would subject young children to cancer, ravage innocent people with natural disasters, or **** a bunch of Egyptian adults/children because the pharaoh refuses to listen to God. That's right, I'm citing Exodus 11:5, when God proclaims that all first-born sons will die if the pharaoh will not allow the Jewish people to leave.

    I don't understand how an all-loving god would allow ******, ****, and other atrocities. I don't understand why an all-loving god would create some of his children as homosexuals only to **** them for something that they cannot alter. I don't understand why an all-loving god would proclaim women as inferior, and say that slaves must be obedient to their masters. I believe that we are at a point, as the human species, that these things and whether they're ethical is being brought to the fore-front of discussion.

    Quite simply: I don't believe in God. I can't anymore, and I refuse to even entertain the idea. If there is a god, he is either cruel, or very detached and nonchalant. Others may believe as they want, but I believe that the wrong type of religious people are holding us back as a species; preaching hate, delivering scripture meant to inferiorate and belittle people with differences. If religion can alter itself, and become more facilitating, more loving, more encouraging, then perhaps it will no longer hold us back.

    But right now, it is. And that's MY belief.

I looked at the time, it was seven o'clock,
we were having a party and I was in my best frock.
We were partying away - my friends and I -
dancing around in the moonlit sky.

Drinking away I was starting to feel funny,
when my friend Harry said to me "come in, honey".
Drunk, I followed - I trusted him dearly.
He was going to look after me, I could see it clearly.

But soon I found out that he actually wanted me,
and as he got on top of me, darkness was all I could see.
He lifted up my dress and pulled down my knickers,
and as he did what he had to do, all I could taste in my mouth were liquors.

I told him "no" and told him to stop fiercely,
but instead he carried on and laughed in my ear harshly.
He ****** himself deeper inside,
as he chose to ignore my cries.

I couldn't push him off, he was too heavy,
all colour drained from my face and I began to feel empty.
He was high on drugs and alcohol fuelled,
and he carried on throughout the night until he was fulfilled.

The next day I woke up ****** and feeling *****,
I was covered in bruises and I was full of worry.
My lipstick was smeared and my hair full of knots,
and on my body there were scratches - lots and lots.

Now I'm sitting here three months on,
I've been dealing with this pain alone for far too long.
I swallow the hundreds of pills I've saved up,
and wash them down with alcohol from the drinking cup.

My mind’s tape rewinds to seasons of impromptu travel.
Watermelon juice adhering to chins and freckled legs.
Bike rides.
Scraped knees oozing sanguine fluid.
Hot nights.
Swimming. Open eyes. Chlorine burn.
Hiking all morning; burgers in the afternoon.
Cheeks mimicking the color of Red Delicious apples.
Sparkling eyes reflecting the burst of fireworks.
Teasing cousins and word-spinning aunts.
Snow Cones dyeing tongues blue coconut blue.
They were happy young Summers,
Happy young Summers.

I am a trained assassin
One you can't see
I bring forth happiness
So you can feel pain free

I am a trained assassin
One you shouldn't fear
I slay the monsters in the night
So you won't shed a tear

I am a trained assassin
One you know well
I love you dear, oh so much
It's for you, my heart swells

The heart of the beast is pounding, pounding, pounding

Your legs are pumping, pumping, pumping

Its growl deep and head low

Watching you, its pray

Ready to pounce at any moment

But then, whoosh, it's gone

Into nothing, thin air, emptiness

You keep going because you're scared, unaware

The edge greets you

Instincts take over and you stop

The silence is deafening

Where did it go?

How are you alive?

It only took a moment to realize that the beast is inside

And in that moment, you deside

To fight the thing with yellow eyes

Aloud you say "Come out to play."

The sword is somehow there

You grab it and fight

For love, for life, for fear

The final blow is brought down

So is a crown

You slayed the beast that ruled your thoughts

Now it's your turn

Show them who's boss

Smiling faces,
Empty spaces.
Explicit joking,
Anger provoking.
Juicy scoops,
Useless groups.
Hilarious memes,
Broken dreams.
Spent years,
Shed tears.
Memories destroyed,
Lost in the void

you can be that tortured soul as much as you wish
dreaming of her and passing the cigarette to me
she can be your lover, your midnight dreams
she could be your everything, she could be your queen
but she's not here
it's just me
right by your side
boneless with fear