i'm still running, running fast;
i'm running fast... i'm running fast -
this was never meant to last!

compromise,
separate

take the time
to realize

there's a point
of no return.

there's no reason to

drag this out
and dig yourself
a deeper hole

compromise,
separate

rationalize
and grow.

there's no sense
of urgency

but you need
to know

broken pieces
always shine,

you're not alone
in this anymore.

i believe it was a tuesday morning!
i remember i had a reason to wake up -
to squeeze the last bit of toothpaste
from the tube.
to get right back in the ******* loop.

i believe i caught a glimpse of a child
through the foggy bathroom mirror,
laced with my minty breath.
it felt strange...
i took offense at his looks,
the way he eyed me down.
in his defense though,
i had caught him with his guards down.

he didn't say much,
not that he did anyway.
just nodded softly at me,
whispered almost,
'alright! guess i'll be going then...'
with a flicker of a smile
never to be seen again.

i believed at the time it was best for him
to not see the light on my face go dim
didn't realize then i'd pay such a solemn price;
as I let him go, not thinking twice.

i believe it came quite naturally to me -
finding good reasons not to be.
that day, i found yet another;
it was just enough to help me see -
the error of my ways...
like a rat in a maze, how i end up
reliving the worst of my days.

i still believe i could turn things around.
give the kid a reason to be proud.
i'd whisper softly into the foggy bathroom mirror,
'we're ok, little buddy...
everything's going to be ok!'
i believe i could get him to say,
'alright... i'll stay!'

At first
My abuser dresses like a prince on a white horse
Speaks like a true gentleman
And keeps tabs on all my fears and discomforts
'cause he "cares"

Than
He smiles for the camera while twisting my arm under the table
He means "well"
He convinces me that my pale and expressionless face is more beautiful than ever

In the end
For a good while I confuse my weakened heartbeat and the numbness running through my veins for the "calmness"

But than
In the pitch black of the reality
I see a diminishing flame flickering inside me
In its light
My dreary reflection reassembles a way out

I don't know how you do it
It's like you can read my mind
Even in those days when I feel
My head is as busy as time square in the middle of a beautiful summer night

he lost his way, he knows not when.
chasing false idols he mistook for men.
he'd lose the child, if he only knew then -
he'd find a way to be a man again.

The Blue Jacaranda

I don't wish to make a home in you
or hold on to your heart
like a fragile Autumn leaf
but sit with you under
the blue Jacaranda
and breathe your lavender deep
recalling those dreams you did dwell.
A stranger but more familiar
from some other sphere.
Under the blue Jacaranda
hold my hands with no promises made.
For a while, let me believe
you're still not a dream.

The afternoon sun opens the day
wiping the morning mist from the sky.
A robin sits on a mossy wall
overlooking the glistening valley,
basking its little chest.
I speak to it,
words gentle, soft and kind.
It looks at me,
a gaze curious, yet knowing,
seeming quiet at its best.
Suddenly, with a song
it takes to the sky,
where old memories lie,
before its ancestors sang,
the caged bird's song.

Here's another chapter,
Something I've already read.

The sentences are strewn together,
And I'm in my head.

Give me a new perspective,
'Cause something inside me
is dead.

Didn't mean to upset you,
But sometimes,

I wish you'd f*ck off,
instead.

Always a new superstition,
Believing something
that doesn't exist.

Always a new problem,
I've never seen someone
so stressed.

Maybe you're delusional,
But it's not relatable.

Your words make no sense,
And always you're oh so
intense.

Instead of going on,
I'm closing this chapter
instead.