you don’t have to
say a thing
i know it’s a lot
i’m a handful
imagine being me
it’s inescapable
but thoughts and feelings
are all i got
the only places
i’m allowed to go
i won’t apologize for it
i won’t expect you to stay
loosen your grip
i’ll drop anxiously and
finally shatter
we all could use a break
from the people and
places that matter

People come,
Talk, wander,
Do things that are substitutes,

For what?

I don't know,
People know

I like the idea of beauty
But it's the most evil
It limits you
me,
to itself
and burns us to wretched girth
shadow's of former selves they say

tell me how you want me to love you
in the ways you cannot love yourself enough
pressing my ear closer to your mattress
restless under your pillowcase
my teeth become something disposable by morning
your mouth begs to be fed before sunrise
lips parting for stale air between lulls in our interactions
as if saying something could make me breathe easier
knowing i will respond before i simply can't
i am expectant in the ways you clear my lungs
before lying in the bed you've made for us
tell me again how you want me to love you
in the ways i cannot love myself
to fill a void made for no one in particular
folding corners of my blanket back over each other
there is safekeeping in barricading thread count
fingers numb from pressing us together for too long
losing my grip on what reality i have succumbed myself to
tell me again how i have done this to myself
in the ways of tolerating your recklessness
pillows becoming somewhat of a buffer
for noise that concerns the neighbor at night
what good will yelling do if your body constantly screams
shouting for someone who left awhile ago
slipping out of your window at night
tell me how you want me to leave
in the ways you cannot tell me to
too afraid to make noise in a silent ballet
tiptoeing around uncomfortable conversations
dancing over select words in exchange
with the rhythm of my accelerated heartbeat
listening

I could ruin the best places for you
because once I'm gone
and you go back to all the places you took me
all the places we dreamt of going
all the places you said we'd go
you can't help but feel me there

I could ruin the best music for you
because once you don't hear me singing the words along with you
the sound will feel empty
the song will grow old
and my voice would echo in your head
you can't help but hear me

you'll never forget about me
and when you bring the next girl around she'll see me
reflecting in your sad eyes
when she hears our songs
when you take her to our places
and oh, like the taste of blood in the mouth,
you can't get rid of me until the bleeding stops



© L.F.