There was thunder and there were black skies.
I was on the roof of my apartment building.
there I was.

It wasn't all that tall. Three stories.
I wasn't sure if that was good enough.
Just before that.
My sister was in the hall.
She was reading I think.
I had just showered. Before the power went out.

The rooms were occasionally lighted by the thunder.
Just for a second. I was lying on my bed.
I didn't wear pants because I couldn't see where the closet was.
It was dark and the power was out.
It still didn't rain.

I heard something splatter.
I get up.
I sit there still of a second.
Minutes.
I lie back down.
I've a terrible headache.
I get up after a while and feel nauseate.

It wasn't something I ate. I look around.
My parents aren't around. It wouldn't matter.
They would be famous soon for all the wrong reasons.

 I think about how funny it'll be if I snort some ibuprofen.
I get up and drink some water.
I walk out to see the sky.

I keeping walking.
I think about how it'll be from the roof.
So I climb up the stairs and I keep going till I reach the top.
I look around and see that the power has come on.
I stand up on my tip toes to have a better view and then I look around.

It's still thundering.
I get up higher on the ledge now.
I think of myself.
My father thinks I am a liability.
I think I am a liability.

He said he doesn't have anything for me.
I have nothing for me either.
I think and I think and then look down.

I see myself lying there yet I'm here.
On the roof. I look down and I see myself lying there
but I'm here on the roof.
I look down and I see myself without life.
My head is open, bright red spilling out.
The rest is white noise. I look down and I'm no longer on the roof.

The rain finality falls.
It dilutes my blood to light pink.
Just the colour I liked when I was small.
The rain carries my blood away from my head.
My family doesn't even know

Full heart to full heart,

                                   Clear quiet mind to clear quiet mind,

                                                 Ocean to Ocean.

                                            Blossoming with Light,

                                                  The Pink Lotus

Resides in Readiness

Patient, Happy.

Blue is for boys
Pink is for girls
What about purple,red, and orange?
Where do those fit in our gender norms?
Is there a place where we can just be?
A human
No forms
Not quietly
But loud
Where boys can wear dresses and girls can make messes
Being proud
That they are free
Not being told
Who they are
So that they fold
Into societies messes
Why can't they wear dresses or cut their hair short?
We need to abort
These silly notions of what it is to be a man or a woman and just be human

I am changing with the weather
Transitioning with hopeful eyes
Yearning for a positive outcome
This time

Sometimes with the sun on my back
Others with the wind in my hair
But this thunder forever remains
In my chest

Sunshine won't change how I feel
Cloudy thoughts still steam up inside
What a way to go through life, eh?
All alone

Seasons mean nothing in Ireland
It rains more in summer than not
Colour me pink but I'll still be blue
Deep down