singing in front of strangers
terrifies me to no end, I battle
my runaway heartbeats as they
fly and thud against my glass
chest; I feel the blood flush
hot and livid through my
limbs & search for cool
pillow sides to chill my
cheeks, wondering why the
only sounds I make
whine, how the mind can be
infinitely stronger than the
body how fear can run
through programmed behavior
why telling myself "you wont die"
is never enough to quell my
aching nerves—phobia is the
unswallowable lump in my throat,
the inexplainable fight or flight, the
"no" whispered in every language to
my gullible muscles—one day I will
sever the fear at its root and enjoy
the fruits of my own liberation.

Before I go, I have to know;
                Your arms
       Did they ache to hold me?
(Just like mine did.)
       Why
           Couldn't you care more about
                         Me?
                    (As much as I did.)*
A friend of mine had said we were like passing clouds
We met and together unleashed          
     lightning
              Strikes
                  Smolders until the forest
                        Burns.
But unlike you ,
          I can't resist fire...
                                I'm afraid of it

Pistanthrophobia,
With the *desire for LOVE,
And it only gets *worse.