crickets chirp like rain

Sometimes
you have to go—
take that step,
despite the fear,
despite the uncertainty,
and discover
that in the end,
we always survive
to tell the story.

And to say, “find yourself a fit woman running laps on your mind –
and catching her breath just means she’s sitting comfortably on
your lap,” is really just a sprint into pleasing the flesh, a race with
no real finish line. And to say you haven’t tasted her in a while,
where one bite makes you relapse – a crack in the glass, it takes two
to tango… but when she starts throwing shade, you start asking
about her love, and where did that perfect tan go.

Maybe I’ve had many partners, but truthfully, most only lived in
my head – my biggest problem was always thinking too far ahead.
A big head, as the women I never touched became intimate in
dreams, yet so intimidating in real life. My insecurity became these
imagined thoughts, and those thoughts made them always fly away.
As my love sickness was a cluster of flu – practicing patience, yet
overthinking until everything failed before it could even start.
A real lack of patience in the heart, and that headache turned into
heartache.

Sure, if I’d asked more of them out, we might have dated – but I
was so out of touch with myself that I felt so outdated. They could
have been less shy, but I was more convinced I wasn’t much of an
impressive guy. Expressive, yes – more direct in invitation, but
never showing up to the party in the end. It isn’t easy for most,
but I felt like I had the most to lose – a heart.

Now I see: I was chasing love as a boy, not building it as a man.
And the truth? It lands heavier when you start by being truthful
with yourself –that’s the only way to fully understand.

Turned around, fleeing,
I run from conflict
instead of facing it—
a coward’s path
born from a father’s shadow,
steeped in generational abuse.
A cycle vicious
as a violent thunderstorm,
striking bolts from the heavens
in divine judgment,
scorching my soul
as if branded like cattle.
A coat of arms
twisted and contorted,
misrepresenting values
held in the present,
yet fully defined
in a past no longer recognizable
to the progeny
who is tired of running
from Daddy’s failings.

No, it is time
to alter course,
to charge headlong
into the unknown abyss
where a different fear
lies in wait—
the dread of becoming
a carbon copy of his failings,
their venom lurking
like a stalking predator,
starving and salivating
at the thought
of a fresh meal
of unsuspecting me,
tripping into the pit,
unprepared to face demons
and rewrite history,
to forge a new heritage
unblemished by cowardice,
to rebuild a coat
that accurately depicts
who I have become
while freed from the bane
of paternity’s weaknesses,
that led to his son’s pain.

I stand up,
pushing back against the dark,
my light radiant
like the summer sun at noon,
casting glare
over the shadows,
causing them to flee
in a terror once my own,
no longer to darken
the soul of a good man
seeing beauty
in all things—
a revelation
that I too can shine
if given time
to heal from past wounds,
whose blood-streaked tears,
now scabbed over
and healed,
leave only a faint scar
of what was,
a reminder to live
in the present
and build anew
the love lost
between father and son.

To PERTINAX,

Too long has pain been a blanket,
Smothering your soul to flickering embers.

Your spark, caught in a continuous updraft,
Only to be lost amongst stars too far to see.

Pain, a forever companion, details the scars
That mar the beauty nature has sown within.

Darkness, forever a rain cloud, soaks a spirit
Bent and broken by fatherly expectation,

Unattainable,

By a son cursed to wonder why he feels alone,
When surrounded by love he cannot understand,

Or chooses not to,

For fear that feeling will hurt worse than the numbness,
Ever-present in the mask of hatred and jealousy,

Coveting all that he has not earned,
Wanting to be more than the sum of the parts he built,

Some of which lie shattered at his feet as tears fall,
Slowly lubricating gears that had atrophied

In a dark rigor mortis where bare fists seize,
Their constant beatings of black-and-blue memories,

Where control was subverted by passions not in line
With the values that created the monstrosity,

Inherited by a man whose lack of love stained him,
A tarnish that self-berates and self-hates the lack of love

He does not feel.

Choices that forever hold back the sway of emotion
He was never equipped to deal with,

Even when surrounded by motherly affection
That consistently put him first, even when she was last.

Shame is not a big enough word to describe the pain
Of letting down the single light in his world,

That has full faith he can shed the weight that chokes,
With a firm grip begging for release into the peace

Of death.

More scars to carry forward and harm the flesh
That traps what could have been beautiful,

Had he just bled the toxins that poisoned his mind
Against the dreams that raised him to be more.

Failure is his greatest fear.

For fatherhood has now grasped this broken man,
And the blood now flows to them by association,

Repeating the same mistakes that led him to bleed,
Expecting family to be the boon that heals all,

A purpose not his own to selfishly inflict on innocents,
Too pure for a world of pain, hate, and ugliness,

Unaware that beauty can exist in a damaged man,
And that love can heal all if shared honestly.

A two-way street that begs him to traverse it,
Opening up and allowing light and beauty to shine,

The way to loving himself,

And forgiving the corruption he allowed to rest
Within the center of his chest.

I can love myself.
I am beautiful.
I am not a waste.
I can be more.
I can get better

With time,

Then truly love those who have loved me in my absence.

—PERTINAX

SOUL MEMORY  

Aligning core below to above
Sirius clapped in glee
urging group into Time out of Space
Pyramid, triangle of my refuge
and direction

Mercury watched soul circling Squinx
Dogons ancient guiding mission
bronze arms encircled axis
Africa cracked from Asia
Amma rejoicing

I knew not then
that in a Southern land I
were to disembark to
stand firm with fearlessness
time-split generational embeds
with carbon and consciousness
oxygen the catalyst

myrrh rained down
to cleanse
Last Supper was still to come


Copyright: GhairoDanielsPoetry&
Song

meteorite radiates  z o o o m m i n g  
crashes onto
Three Anchor Bay turquoise
sky dust onto beach white grains
winds sweep cobbled paths profane
a fetus acquires solitary soul lost
womb enlarges posting veins
shine baby blessed shine divine
observation work is thine

platinum pressure paintbrushes
dove hands devilish articulate
Scythian lifetimes past remembered
fast forward ferrolic clocks spun in head
read write and arithmetic dread
chemical interactions drool squiggles
bathe chuckle study laboratory sniggles
grow compete win defeat cry cameos dead
songs atmospheric to be sung, give up dread

pick Robertson berries drink rare ruby wine
justice jugulars delicately combine
smashing glass, meteorite sits silent under
eyelids pink presence fine
explores inner Canaan cobweb caves galore
climbing pineal heights to evolutionary delight  
seer sight ~ peel, poetic heal a temporary deal
before lissom living long there will be no chemical chasing ding-dongs to skip
or stormy interactions to dip acid slips
merely alkaline planetary victories to blip

moonlit meteorite slowly surely suavely
becomes mythic master meteorologist merry
odd spacial morbidities burnt and buried
she solitary eats mashed mussels musing …
crack crack hush hush
zero rush

her dust floats across the Bay’s
now cobalt midnight waters smoothly
ocean floor seaweed entangles slave ship sunk
circular rhodium ring twines coral reefs sung

Trans
                               muta
tion
                                unDers
                                                         T o o d

a   coelacanth   s w i m s   a w a y

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Copyright:GhairoDanielsPoetry&song 2025

H e a r t  
              reflective altar
P e a c e
                            supreme r e I g n s
Temple of God
                        quiet sit


rest
               less
                              ness

                       f
                          l
                            e
                              e
                                         s

silent  S O L i T u d E
                     new vibration
                                                    speaks

V O I C E
                     of
                                    VOID