I had grown out of time-outs - those imposed minutes of inward reflection, of self confrontation in wait and ponder. I had forgotten that slowing and pausing could be a productive use of time, and that eternity does indeed wait for all who have the stamina to stop the clocks and drape the mirrors.

I had instead lived for the future, passing abruptly / obliviously through the momentary present, robbing myself of the present time to consider, to discern, to consult, to learn from those like my father who had travelled further through time, having time to use the time-honoured travel method of patience.

And now, in my father's cooling presence, I stalled in an unfamiliar, unexpected hiatus between generations, and was forced to wait for what would come next.

And I paused.

there are some days when it's the headache and you, not you and the headache.

just pound after pound, the core of your brain. the beat you never intended to dance to. and look at us, puppets.

like a ball on a string, our heads rattling around, unaware that heads don't rattle.

trying to push away the push of pain through pills that we pop to pop this pressure point.

but figuring out where to place the pin is the pause.

you don't want to make it worse, but if you can't make it better, best to just...not.

how do normal people function? what is this magical nirvana of blissful calm state? how does one close their eyes and sleep?

when headache likes to play, you can only hope they don't pull the string too hard.

I tend to enjoy the quiet
I get so lost in the sound of my own thoughts that the world just seems to pause for the perfect amount of seconds.
May I need no more, no less.

I see you in music
notes are steps
closer to you
press play and
we never pause

Sometimes I'd just sleep
Cause there was nothing to keep
Inside my mind
Didn't wanna die, just needed to pause

life
doesn't stop

it keeps rushing on
without me

i wish i could push pause
sometimes

so i could
figure myself out
before the moment happens
and i have to be
outside
of myself
again

but there is no pause button.

A pause
A choice of disconnection
An examination of options
An opportunity to change direction

An opening
An invitation for interruption
A deliberate contemplation
A much needed punctuation

A calming
A stilling
A waiting
A hearing

A surrender
A release
A long deep breath
And unexpected peace

Drip. Drip. Shiver.
Draw an arrow from the quiver.
Inhale, exhale, hold.

Pause.

Wait.

Incriminate.

Set the fire.
Watch this disintegrate.

Breathe again.