The wait.
Is what I hate.
Do I go or not?
One or four fruit?
Quick! Before they all rot.
“Wait”, he says. “Wait”, she says.
But my patience is eaten by fear.
It doesn’t make any sense. Every nerve is tense.
Tell me the end is near.
When the end arrives, has my end only begun?
An end to the boring wait, but the end to my fun?
Stop being indecisive. Stop with the “I don’t know”.
Determines if in the end I do live. It’s not a way for me to live.
Tell me all your thoughts and feelings. And in return, my emotions will show.
Make it end! Make it start! Even if I have to change.
Tell me if we end up together or apart.
For you, what do I have to exchange?
My heart?
Friends.
The end has come. It’s no longer near.
Did I get what we wanted? Or what I deserve?
At this point, I honestly don’t care.
The wait.
Is what I hate.
But if it means getting you back...start it over my dear.
One or four fruit? As I sit in the waiting chair.

Why are we still here?
Scratching and pulling at your skin
Trying to find the answers in your silent stares and unspoken phrases
I am tired of wrestling with it so I just push it aside
Hoping to hide the discontent I feel
And the anger bubbling up inside
Too tired to beg for it anymore
Too ignorant to understand
I am sitting in a waiting room while the clock laughs at me
Mocking my helpless state
Hopeless but still waiting
This is how I will always remain
Even when I am long gone
My bones scattered in that waiting room
Hopeless but still waiting

Often I wonder which is harder
'Singleness or Marriage'
How do we do it?
The struggles of being with someone and remain purified sexually
The focus we must attain in this manner
The mindset of suppressing lust and passion
Remaining without touch till the set time
Our partners how they seemingly accept the challenge but later deviate;
With talks like ‘am only human’.
How we look innocent but crave deep down for a tiny piece
The chain of celibacy a slavery we were made to follow
Or else anguish and chastising
Am broken and torn
The lessons I learnt I hold dearly
Corinthians stated worries
Oh my fate!
When whilst thou end, this status I cross around my neck
Wait! but don’t look waiting
The side talks and jest, the respect long lost
Yours will be the latest I know
Happen already!
Wait on God permanent anthems now
Smile and wave don’t show it
Or you are jealous.
Be happy and suppress
Be hopeful and pray
For how long!
Be patient, kind,
God’s time is the best
Oh when!
It’s been 3 decades and counting
No judging authority
I only want to be loved
Now I live for myself alone no deviation from love and service
I will do not just right but the right way
With God before me.