Suddenly,
In a momentary flash,
I reach for the sink as it slips away,
I'm on the floor,
Sinking into the molding tiles.
My arms become weak,
trying to hold onto the rope that loops the noose,
I curse and scream,
as my legs give away,
the failing motion of a singular boy.
Disapproving eyes that remember me from yesterday,
they like to yell and tell how useless I am,
how selfish I am,
spinning into nothingness,
A knife in hand.
I hate me, myself, and I,
It's enough to reopen the scars that remain on top of my arm,
they sting but I know I deserve it,
common sense fades away,
I'm left with my pillar of suicidal thoughts.
In front of their door,
they turn their back,
I'm on my own,
Once again.
Maybe,
I'm just meant to be,
killed off and torn away from paradise,
wash me,
drown me,
maybe I'll be saved tonight,
my hands in control of my mind,
new blood without a tear shed from my thoughts.
Who I am,
Is who I never want to be,
and what I want to be,
will be a mask,
a disguise for tough days,
with no God,
I'm alone.
