i've been thinking a lot about my own kids in the future.
how i think that they'd probably have to take care of me,
i don't want that.
i don't want them to see me like this or go through everything i went through.
how i'd try my hardest to protect them from the world with my scarred and bruised body.
how i'd try to fill their head and soul with everything i never had.
i used to roll my eyes when my parents told me they gave me things they didn't have
but i understand and feel for my future kids.
but i will not be my parents,
i will not turn away from my kids,
instead with open arms all the times.
accepting,
forgiving,
loving,
everything i don't have.
i've been thinking about how we'll all live by the sea,
teach them how to hear the wind and let it in to heal your soul and mind,
teach them that it's okay if things get to much.
i'll give them my heart endlessly.
i'll give them everything i never had.

my son shall be a reflection of me with the mirror being his mother. he will have my eyes and his mothers heart, my brains but his mothers demeanor. we all know he’ll need it. the courage will come from us both because your mother is a warrior as am i. we fight. never let them see you down son, if you fall remember: gravity centers lowest to the ground, you shall gather yourself up and stand strong. and when the waves come crashing because they will, when they crash just know that you are a warrior. there is no mountain big enough in comparison to your potential, no storm loud enough to quite your spirit and no accolade too great to make you gloat. my son, you were made under the shield of love, so you shall forever be protected. never let anyone tell you otherwise. when you see a man down keep your arms outstretched, warriors can fight for the less fortunate too, but stand proudly in your body. and when they ask why you are who you are you simply respond: I am a reflection of my father in the mirror of my mother.

Love me like a dandelion.
Bask in bright colors of the summer sun,
But appreciate the beauty of wintery whites
Then set me free with the wandering wind
Only to hope it begins again.

As you drag me out of bed at 5am
With an assurance that I won't go back
I can't help but think
That you're stealing from me
And that's the beauty of having you
You make me do amazing things
And I can't help but wonder
That someday I will be complaining
That you are sleeping too much

You say you want love,
Then why ignore your mum?
She cares for you deeply,
And you know she does.
You say she doesn’t talk enough,
But you ignore her when she does.
You want to feel connection,
And love in all its celebration.
You need some support,
But you dismiss her when beside you she tries to walk.
All she wants is to be your mum,
To care for her children,
Every single one.

Will there ever be a time when you consider my feelings?
Or will I, to you, always hold no meaning?

My emotions are not toys to be played with.
My heart is hardly beating.
From all this pain and struggle,
I’m barely able to continue feeling.

I tell you my feelings don’t matter,
But really I think they do.
My cold and weary heart is struggling,
Yet desperate to continue.

Every time you take,
more of me falls away.
There will come a time,
Although not on this day,
When there is nothing of me left.
Not even my remains.

But hold back your tears and remain strong of heart,
Because you don’t need me anyway,
You didn’t from the start, nor any other day.

I have lost someone today,
From me they were taken away.
I would love for them to fight to stay,
But that’s not going to happen,
Not for me anyway.

When a loved one is lost,
The heart is ripped in two.
When a loved one leaves,
A sadness builds in me.

Goodbye sweet kid,
Good luck with your life.
If you need me I’ll be here,
But it’s unlikely you’ll call.

I love you lots,
Much more than you’ll ever know.
I can’t take this loss,
But this everyone already knows.

On a gusty autumn night
Another husband was swept,
Somber under the porch light,
Abigail watched and wept.

No men were happy,
As they dealt with poor Abby –
Day in and day out,
So miserable and naggy.

Nine is such a tender age
For a father to leave his daughter,
In horror, Abby waved,
Her mind underwater.

Crimes of parents, what a shame
Those with good ones count your blessings,
Lest we forget little Abby’s pain
And teach our children similar lessons.

The day I lost you, I also lost myself.
You and I stood on the edge of the abyss, and together we looked over.
With your hand in mine we fell in and never stopped falling.
Further and further into the infinite darkness we go.
On the day you died, I died too, I’ll never be able to let you go.
That moment consumes my every thought, it taints my every feeling.
We are forever falling into the darkness of the universe.
Destined to be swallowed up and never return.
Your hand in mine for eternity, my son and I indefinitely lost together.