I wanna go camping,
I wanna bring my lizard.
I wanna smoke tons of ****,
As my joints swell in a blizzard.
I never want to explain myself,
To anyone ever again.
I want someone to truly need me,
To truly be my friend.

My warm embrace in your darkest days
Brought you comfort you never knew
But standing there while holding you close
I grew much colder, too.

Your grip grew strong, the walls caved in
Smothered, I started to squirm
But gazing in your pleading eyes
You leaned, and I stayed firm.  

Your edges are rough, through no fault of your own
But I am so, so soft
Shallow cuts can still run deep
My dear, you need to stop.

Your eloquent yet hollow words
Cloud my mind and senses
Empty oaths, a hamster wheel
I can’t beat your defenses.

My empathy has entrapped me
You’d never trust again
But I am worn, my eyes are dull
It’s not worth it in the end.

Our paths were meant to meet, not merge
You were nice to get to know
But please, I ask one thing of you
If you love me, let me go.

It happened before I even started school —
a goodbye I never wanted,
never understood, but have carried ever since.
It was with the most important person in my life.
She was strong —
strong enough to fight death with all her might,
just to hold off that painful goodbye.
But in the end,
God won,
and He took her far away from me.
So far…
that we never met again.
So far…
that all I have now are stories, photographs,
and pieces of her living gently in our memories.
Her absence became my first grief,
her love —
my first lesson in strength.

I died in my sleep last night,
It happens a lot.
When the lines are blurred, between conscious and not.
I go back to my true home,
The house where I was raised.
I try to call you, but my cell service is dazed.
I’m only 11, I don’t have a phone.
I’ll go next store on the iPod touch.
Or my walkie talkie, but you can’t stray too much.
But then I awake and I’m in my bed,
At least that was consistent.
I wanna stay there forever,
I’m begging you, please, the pain is getting persistent

Change the perspective
Like it's an elective
Chosen over the summer
To be my fifth period

Just say you’re happy
Be loving and sappy
Like a 90s sitcom wife
Who’ll never leave her husband

Do what you must do
Plan, not impromptu
Like a 2000s rom-com wedding planner
With a touch of OCD

It’s the deck you bought
The cards want you to rot
As if a deep dive on tarot
Could turn you into an intuitive genius

Mope like a poet
Standing strong like you know it
Like writing your pain
Isn’t still just performance in another font

Process and grieve
You’re so ready to leave
As if leaving my Crocs out of sport mode
Lets me linger longer

Toxic thoughts tonight
Doesn't mean they stay forever
Warning, bugging, horrifying me daily.

Gather around me, point and laugh,
Watch me dance with a broken half.
How easy pain can be disguised—
Just hide your face, then mask the mask.

Come and try to comprehend
How a broken leg pretends
To find footing amidst torment,
Beneath the stares of a thousand eyes

Everyone has a broken half—
Half hearts, half brains, half short-stretched hands.
Try as you may to refuse and defend
Your half pride and half lies and their
Sickening stench.

Never thought a man could confess,
Or even have the courage to explain himself,
How bad and awful can be dismay,
Or even realize his closing end.

Instead, we stumble around and shout—
To forget it all, we shout loud and proud.
And if we still hear whispers of reason,
Our throats are ready to smother it out.