An island in the sea
Is where I longed to be
Blissfully safe and sound
Without a single soul around

But what I discovered
Was that venturing from that place
Was the key I needed to uncover
So I had to begin at a new pace

An island in the sea
Is no longer for me
I assembled a vessel and sailed away
On the waves that I once had to wrestle
And so now I can certainly say
Onward to a much better day

Fight or flight
That was my plight
Distracted driver
Temporarily took my power
Praying for sleep
Counting the sheep
It’s like treading water in the deep
Can I keep pushing through?
Not sure quite what to do

Visions of chrome grills
Drenched with chills
Flashback night
Nightmare day
Will this ever go away?

EMDR
Got back to driving the car
Taking buspar
Have I come that far?

One foot in front of the other
A daily mantra loaned by my brother
It’s important to only focus on today
It’s all we have, wise people say

Life is an ongoing journey
So very grateful for His mercy
I continue to battle and refuse to cower
After all, I’ve learned I’m no fragile flower

i lost myself
so i went for a drive
& the cracked payment led me here

i then pulled to the side
          on that foggy night ride
& remembered my dreams
& the mountains i'd climbed
& the dragons i'd slain
& the nights i was weak
     - but decided to stay,
          if only for
                         one
                            more
                               try
                                  to just stay
just stay,
oh please,
please stay.

so on that foggy night drive
i found myself
   on the edge of that bridge
just repeating a phrase

& then i realized:
my soul is fierce,
my heart is brave,
& from here is where all the best stories are made.

Addiction
Is 2am stumbling in slurring all your words
Addiction is when the needle is so far in your vein that it aches and pulses
Addiction is when your nose burns from not the first but the 20th line
You tell your self I’m not addicted I don’t have a problem but your family is begging with pleading eyes and you sit with bleeding veins as you tell yourself just one more Adderall you don’t see how far gone you are until you’re gone because you would rather give up your own life rather then the Xanax hanging from your hand you say it’s an escape but this escape is calling death upon yourself
You’re a prisoner to the drugs begging with pleading eyes for someone to ask you how you’re doing but when they don’t you’ll sit in the dimly lit kitchen as pills caress your hand you’ll wonder why no one asked you. You feel alone so you’ll fill the void with another shot of liquid gold and when you’re finally able to sleep after days of escaping your day meres you’ll realize the reason why no one asked how you were and as the realization sets in you’ll take out the needle and throw away the pills as your nightmares begin to fade and the smile on your face comes into play you’ll realize I made it out of this.

It’s our love
It transcends time

Waves taller than I was
cool atlantic ocean
grainy sand between my fingers
burying my toes.

Hot sunburns and salty hair
the beach bars where we used to eat off the kids meal
going back to your condo
sitting on your couch.

Thrown over his shoulders
covered in sand, the warm weight used to be fun but now it just scares me
you scare me.
My shoulders were kissed
sunscreen on my back
the lukewarm pools and marco polo races holding my breath until i thought my lungs would explode.

The water would rush back with the pull of the ocean our sundresses damp around our ankles, bruises over our mouths where you held them shut
The porch light was on to the condo my towel draped over your balcony, bathing suit bottoms in your bedroom.

Forgotten toys and to pairs of arm floaties because i was never good at swimming, you left your watch on the shoreline.
Crying because of the pain and the hatred and love
Never knowing if I would be cuddled or touched
but knowing i would be cuddled after being touched
those sunburnt spots caressed by you.
White caps peak as the sun rises, we’re cold with fevers and abuse, shaking as our feet are wet again with salty water and your watch pulled out to the sea, lost forever.

“There is a fire, it is true
Sometimes it's red, sometimes it's blue
If you’re not careful, you’ll get burned
If you give up, it won't be born.

There is a place beneath this sun
Where our story becomes one
But its not here and it's not now
We’ll live threw it, alone, somehow.

And maybe someday, you and i
When we’re both looking at the sky,
Will see a dragon in the clouds
And think of others whereabouts

And for a moment, in our hearts
We’ll know we’ll never be apart
Two souls collided in the woods
And it made all the difference”