The hands that held me
Upright like stone pillars now
Crumbled into marble rubble.
I’m left sifting through the wreckage,
Left by a war waged against himself.
One warrior.
Two casualties.
The ruins carry whispers of
Memories, promises and lies;
All etched on the walls
That once could be confided in
Now relinquishing their secrets.
A foundation built on sand
Will sink in battle:
Rebuild.

I know it is likely I will fail
And the hours  tick away
Growing closer and closer to judgement day
And as I inch closer and closer
I just hope I can make you proud
Overcome it all and rise above

yesterday I wanted to die.
Today I want to praise God.

Unrest
and we'll not be happy if we reflect on it later

but this will not convince anyone of that

In faith I try to deny myself

but only when it's convenient to me
      or when I am in a particularly
                     Christian mood

we listen to good music etc
         and tell ourselves     and each other
              we'll be okay
                    though
we could easily die in our sleep all today
and have none of the redemption we seek

Praise God for his tests!

Jesus help us in our trials!

I need more sleep, all I get nowadays is

     unrest

head bound with desire to pop
end it all or show everyone
what they're missing out


the feeling of perpetuality
bubbling until I cease to have the strength to
pull myself out of the hole again

existentialism
clawing
with relentless intent
to handicap my well being

it asks me what for
why wouldnt you just show yourself the door
and let it all unfurl

no no no
you must wait for the great
when you focus
you chose this
you know what has to be done




if you force yourself to do something enough eventually you'll start doing it

have you ever been stuck in a room with a door?
a rock and a hard place they both knock you to the floor
you've given up you can't get out
can't do your homework or your chores
you can't breathe in you can't breathe out
you just can't take it anymore
---
then you get a feeling
you know what's coming next
you've gotta move you've gotta step
you've gotta stand you've gotta stretch
you crack your knuckles crack your neck
you shoot your shot you try your best
you take a pencil to the test
you get the A you get the plus
you give it more you take no less
now here's a lesson for the class
so you can pass and come in first and never last
you take what's yours you take it fast
you hold on tight don't give it back
you carry on you don't look back
now it's my time I gotta blast