Imagine the infinite loneliness
Creeping through the veins like polluted streams
Toxic waste pumping at the heart
A factory of misery sending spore plumes in the air
That is the kind of vile vermin preys on children.

The kind of people who
Can’t prescribe to society,
Finds clarity only in disparity
Desperately needing that attention,
Hopeless in the attempts to feel anything but indifference.

Addled by addictions
Blaming them for maledictions
Tormenting with words and eyes forever on the prey
Pulse of their finger tips bleeding in anticipation
Dreaming of ways to act like a year long krampus
To any child who speaks up against the abuse

Sick loners,
Even the roaches scatter and leave
A company of one,
Seething breaths heavy heaved
Derelict hygiene, paralytic intelligence
Caught in a scheme to ruin innocent things
Because do unto others that has been done unto  them is the motto.

Hurting others won’t heal
Finding no answers at the bottom of the bottle.
Maybe in the interim,
Bite into reality, now swallow.

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Tank all your profiles,
Cause they're tightening a snare.
𝘞𝘩𝘰 are you identifying?
Are these my views?
Is that my perspective?
Is it 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘦?

Tank all your profiles,
Cause it's harder to get ******* physical than digital.
It's either a check or an x
To be marked onto your square.
A few fascists' dream
Is a legislative nightmare.

facing online screen
my harnessed heart hardens
        harassed collectively

Words like wasps clamor across
empty, luminant screens
Voices cast in Unicode
Feelings in Unicode screams
I close my eyes between the words
just so I can breathe
As the words start to sting
and my brain begins to swell
and the words echo
and the stings linger——
Happens ever time
Behind every letter there is a pulse
Of a stranger I will never see or know
I remind myself of the human heart
that beats behind the glow

Is it worth it,
To pay straight from your wallet,
To a computer screen?

Yet not feeling,
The weight leave your pocket,
Getting a moment to think, is this worth it?

It's a blessing
I can do online school
Classes I can't take here
Classes I'm 'too young' to take
Helps me with college when there are no APs

Until it's a curse
When I can't do online school
Because the internet's bad
Things are late
Because they expect the internet to work

i met another stranger tonight.
in the shadows of online chat rooms,
it’s been two hours and we’re convinced we’re in love.
inappropriate photos and
a suicide pact later,
we’ll never speak again.
though i’ll text the stranger in the morning
but it’ll be in the afternoon where they are.

Twenty years ive known you,
Shocking as this sounds,
Back then I was a different person
My identity not yet found

I remember it well,
Meeting you online,
Intruiged by another culture
You were the mysterious one online!

I was obsessed with Geography
Knew every flag of the world
Spent hours staring at maps
I would never get bored

I knew I never belonged
In the land I was living then
So the atlas was an escape
From the confusion since I was ten

You spoke a different language
From the mysterious side of the world
I was fascinated by and drawn to
This different side of the world

It was an honour to meet you
I felt I was so lucky!
I now had a Russian friend
Although his English hard to comprehend

This made it just more interesting,
It showed language didnt matter
We were still able to communicate,
Even by postal letters!

I was young, insecure,
Brainwashed too at that time,
So this escape was a relief
The mysterious person online!

You temporarily rescued me
From the weirdness of my home
I dont have many fond memories
But meeting you was one

I bought a book because of you,
Called "learn Russian in 3 months"
I was drawn to the Cyrillic alphabet,
But only now 20 years on can I use it!

Russian in 3 months was hilarious,
It was never going to work
Three years yes maybe,
Thats what the title should be!

But such was your desire for English
Your skills overtook mine,
Now im surrounded by Russians,
....I wish Id learned more at the time!

By the time you came to visit
Id escaped to Scotland,
I was somehow free,
Although not yet entirely

The brain is great at deleting
Large parts of my life
But you kept all the postcards and letters
I was so surprised!

These things are like treasure,
Reminders of lost time,
Its good to regain the happy parts
And leave the rest behind

The phone call still makes me laugh
It took you so long to say each word
Even my cruel mother gave up
Trying to wait for the words

I remember the day so well
She called me to the phone
Told me theres a message
Then she left me alone!

Weird behaviour for my mother
The perplexity on her face
As she listens to the message
From a mysterious place

Now twenty years on
You've rescued me again
I got myself in a pickle
And you came up with a plan

Most people didnt care
Those I chose to tell
Except an angel, Patricia,
Her Nigerian name too long to spell

She didnt even know me
I met her through a friend
A friend from Burundi,
Now living in Scotland

In my hopeless depressing reality
Sat in a place called Gillingham,
I spoke to you most evenings
You again allowed me to escape

I looked forward to reading your writing,
Learning more about your life,
Now with your improved English
I wanted to read it all night

You knew I was desperate to leave,
And you suggested Armenia,
A country I had heard of
But shamefully only little

Meeting you in Armenia
Was the best decision by far
The best decision I had made,
Since being torn from Africa

I knew very little about it,
And yet I was ready to go!
It just shows how desperate I was
To escape from where I never planned to go

I have to say, you saved me,
If only from myself
And of course from the NHS
Who probably would have killed me

They say things happen for a reason
The universe makes a plan,
So I guess if I wasnt deported,
I might not have seen you again

You have changed my life for the better,
Although you say you dont do charity,
You even left me with your bank card,
As well as a way to make money

You may not see yourself as kind,
But that is all I see,
And I have always loved you
Ever since I was twenty :)