I wear my heart on my sleeve because I don't really like it much myself.
You can imagine me trying to brush it off like a spider or some demonic beetle, I hope that imagery makes you smile.
And if you feel how I do
Let us run
Fast
Real fast
And maybe our hearts will unhinge and fly away so as to mix in with the autumn leaves.
Now imagine them falling softly like angels with their wings clipped
as dad rakes them into the trashcan.

June will kiss you and tell you that you’re beautiful,
July will ******* senseless and leave you with a bleeding heart,
August will try to put your broken pieces back together only to get cut and leave you still broken,
September will bruise you and ask you why you’re still crying on the floor,
January  will snap  you in half and  later kiss your scars but only ends up cutting you deeper,
February will be an ocean of self destruction, washing over you and gently cradling you in it’s arms,
March is broken records all over your apartment floor and driving to the liquor store at 4 am,
April is blood in the sink, crying yourself to sleep, shaky hands and breaking down every time you hear his name,
May is a storm forming in your eyes when you realize that you need to save yourself and when you stopped loving yourself, they stopped loving you too, when they tell you that wounds will heal, you know that you’re never going to forget.
All you wanted was to hear the words ‘i’m never going to leave you’

October eyes,
were not eyes at all.
they were spinning gears, and cold steel
disguised in chocolate orbs.

October Eyes said it all,
Though not a single meaningful word
was uttered
through your lips for weeks.

October Eyes screeched
"Remove that thing at once! She is a cog in the assembly line!"

And that's just what you did.

You became the machine others expected.

And i became the scrap heap.

I used too think the word was stupid
That you should only show it instead
And people only said it to get each other in bed.
Meaningless and absence of it causing stress
But now it's obvious
That the word's stronger than a bus
It stays the same but never weakens or rusts
And it's not just a product of lust
Because it's liberating
To be feeling and be stating
The status of your soul
Defining the connection as a whole
Giving it strength
And extending it out to great lengths
Chronologically
it doesn't actually produce melancholy
The word itself is lovely
Now I see why I love the word
And I'm forever grateful to the person who showed me

I am walking towards a park to feel a sense of life and to await my companion. I walk past countless familiar faces and potential kindred souls only to end up here at a red light waiting to cross.
"Why, how and when?"
The park was alive on this cool October Thursday evening, well, almost evening. I walk across the grassy field, under the trees and upon the fallen leaves which decorated this ground. It once was green and now its an unpleasant brown. I walk and I kick the leaves, feel a breeze and I pull my coat around me. Squirrels are hoarding, birds are chirping and a sole singer is singing a song about Moondances and October skies. This grassy area is surrounded by benches occupied by loners who while the day away with pen and paper.

School children, set free from the prisons they occupy 8 til 4 every day - run wildly, some singing, some screaming, some crying and some laughing. Parents are all in otherworldly mindsets filled with questions...
"Why, how and when?"
I walk towards an empty bench and sit there with my pen and paper. Whiling the time away 'til my love gets here hopefully right on time.

A lone ice cream truck playing a familiar tune hoping to hypnotize the children into begging for a cone, or a cup of Italian ices...but even the kids know its too cold and too late for that and he starts his engine and drives away.

I've been a loner, I have been a loser and my heart has been broken, taken out, cleaned and put back in...with nothing but a scar that runs down my torso as proof. But I stand tall and I stand proud - "I do it my way." I smile to myself. I hear in the next bench a couple speaking and the woman begins to cry...


"Why, how and when?"

All my life
Been running from a pain in me
A feeling I don't understand
Holding me down

Rain on me
Underwater
All I am, getting harder
A heavy weight
I carry around.

Today
I don't have to fall apart
I don't have to be afraid
I don't have to let the damage
consume me,
My shadow see through me

Fear in itself
Will reel you in and spit you out
Over and over again
Believe in yourself
And you will walk
Fear in itself
Will use you up and break you down
like you were never enough
I used to fall, now I get back up.

I'm up here
I'm looking at the way down there
I'm staring through the I don't care
It's staring back at me

The beauty is
I'm learning how to face my beast
Starting now to find some peace
Set myself free

Today,
I don't have to fall apart
I don't have to be afraid
I don't have to let the damage
consume me,
My shadow see through me

Fear in itself
Will reel you in
And spit you out over and over again
Believe in yourself
and you will walk
Fear in itself
Will use you up and break you down
like you were never enough
I used to fall but now I get back up

I'm moving on
Oh god just move on
Today,
I don't have to fall apart
I don't have to be afraid....
Get back up
Get up

Fear in itself will use you up
And break you down just like you're
never enough
I used to fall

Breathe,
Ask for more
if you're bitter still
Ask him to help you carry on.

What is Love? Love is October, yes the season fall is what defines Love.. I miss you. I really miss the fall with you, and oh how I miss how your nose turns red when it gets chilly out and how your face turns so pale and you can see all the aspects of your eyes, how your lips get chapped at the end of the year, and how when you hold my hand in the cold, I miss how your hand fits right into mine and how your numb fingertips lingered around my hand so softly.. i miss you pulling me close to stay warm, oh how I miss sitting on the front porch in your rocking chairs, and taking you under that one big tree at your old house on Halloween Night and kissing you softly.. I miss the smell of your hair when you haven't washed it, the way you bite your fingernails. Everything good happens in the fall, i guess that why i latched onto you in September of 2008, because you're my one and only soul mate.