I was there all the time, while you were gone
One day you were there, the next day, gone
Everything was going good
So I never understood what went wrong
I never understood what I did so wrong
Because one day you were there
And the next day; bright, and early, gone
I never understood how another girl
Became your "number one"
Things started to turn south
When I noticed you were gone more
You'd make sure you were always quiet
When you managed to make your way home
And came through the door
Quiet as can be, so you didn't wake me up
Because you didn't want me to know
That you were actually out after work
With some girl who had a baby
Which made you look like a creep
How could you hit me below the belt, so deep?
You went and wandered the streets
Looking for someone else to satisfy
You and your petty selfish needs
You were playing house with someone else
Giving someone else the attention I was supposed to get
Not even caring to ask how I even felt
You hit me in the face one, slapped rather
That was a one time thing, not a big deal or matter
Because you hit me in front of my mother
And she told you point blank
"If you're going to hit my daughter;
You need to take a breath and really think"
And then I chimed in with;
"It's okay because if he ever tries or does it again;
I'll go to jail for breaking his **** hand."
The audacity this fool think he had
Cheated on me because I can't have kids
And he apparently wanted to be a dad
All you had to do was say something to me
That's something I would have come to understand
But instead you became unfaithful and left me sad
I really had feelings for you because I became obsessed
Starting going to work with you
And sitting in your vehicle for 8-12 hours like I was possessed
You drove me so crazy I didn't know what else to do
Then one day it all became clear
I wasn't needed anymore here
So I left, and never looked back.

Stephanie A. Ludwig
04/25/2025

No matter where I turn, you pull me in
A black hole wrapped in flawless skin.
Your face, a scripture I must recite,
Carved in the dark of my sleepless nights.

My heart is a beast with claws of need,
Thrashing, ravenous, starved for your lead.
When you're near, I cease to be,
A breath held tight, a wound set free.

When you are gone, you are never gone.
You stain the air, you stretch the dawn.
I see you lurking in glass and steam,
Flickering, shifting, slipping between.

I know your steps, your fleeting trace,
The ghosts you leave in empty space.
You do not see me, but I see you,
Devotion stitched in every view.

Call it hunger, call it fate,
A madness I do not wish to escape.
You are the altar, the prayer, the key
And I am the shadow that will not leave.

His eyes
Ugh his eyes
Those eyes have the hypnotic nature
that makes me want to listen every everything he says
making me his pawn in his own game.
Be his *** slave done,
be his ***** done,
be his plaything it also gets done.
Those alluring siren eyes calling to get destroyed,
well I would gladly be destroyed by those beautiful eyes.
He hypnotizes with his siren eyes calling
like Aphrodite herself in the male version.
Who am I not to drown in those eyes.
Take me to you and make me your forever-trapped soul.
And here comes his voice
Calling to get captured into bliss
A bliss to ears indeed
Let me drown in your honey
I wish to be yours wholly
Here comes the siren with honey voice and hypnotic eyes.

one thing that will always
be left
unsaid,
You will always be
on my mind.
the names you called me.
they will be long forgotten.
your stares.
will be forever lost.
I can manage
the whole world
with the tip of my finger,
yet you control me over one touch.
everyone can easily
drool at the sight of me,
if I let them.
yet I can drown
at your stare.
so how?
how does the peasant rule
over such a knee-dropping
queen?

You will always be to me,
Surrounded by a dark, black, flowing sea –
Its waves and textures enticing me.

For I, a sailor so obsessed,
My fascination with your ocean in unrest,
Has me completely possessed.
In a beauty so limitless,
From its roots to its depths.

I drown in it fearless –

oh, ****, i'm so full of love it's spilling out of me
like bullet wounds, like i've been court martialed,
like i'm the pinpoint of a broken sheet of glass,
the part from which everything else shatters;
of course i'm the centre of the universe,
who else would be? who else could love this way,
fierce and terrible and hating? who else other than me
could break the universe for another chance at hello
or at two thousand and nineteen?

which isn't to say i'm manic. which isn't to say
that i don't cry in the shower and scream in the car.
i do. but when i do, i'm the main event;
nobody booked tickets to see anybody but me here.
don't kid yourself, world. don't make me laugh.
don't act like everything is okay when i'm breaking the baby-bird bones
of my fingers every time someone else talks.
me, the human stress ball.

me, twenty stories tall and universe-filled with love,
nothing else can even come close. i'm ******* godzilla,
i'm interplanetary, i'm that giant ******* marshmallow man
from ghostbusters getting shot at by the heroes.
maybe there's just too much of me to love the way i need
to be loved; completely, obsessively, like an illness.

oh, god, i want to be loved like i'm sick.
not just another hospital bed but the whole **** ward
all for me. all eyes on me. nobody looking anywhere but me
and oh, please, i'm fine, really,
i don't need all this attention.

like i'm daring the world to divert it away.

a birthday list of gifts:
- a fifth of whiskey
- a gun with one bullet
- the attention that people get from the crowd below before they jump off a building

i don't think i'm asking for too much here.
i feel like i'm one of those unlucky ******* born on christmas day
who get half the presents for twice the occasion.
how cruel must god be to birth me anywhere but eden,
into a world where other people exist,
where we have jobs and say hello to store cashiers and divide up our attention like slices of mandarin.

so where's this revolution i ordered?
where are the people making me important?
i need a cause to lead and a muzzle for my heart,
and i'll burn on and out,
not like a star, but like the end of the ******* universe itself.

and here i am, acting like i matter
when i really only want to matter to you.
i don't care how you want me to revolve
as long as i'm a lone moon. as long as the tides
are all mine; see, it's a lot more complex
than me playing easy villain or anti hero. it's not
been about me this entire time.

but i can't write poems about any other subject.

At this point, I'm surprised I manage to wake up,
when every night is plagued with dreams of you,
caressing my fragile body, and then plunging into it like it doesn't mean two ***** to you.
Every night it's the same dream, and I wake up smelling of sweat,
but it's not the same as yours, an aroma that haunts me even in my sleep.
See, when a man like me desires,
he desires with more than just his heart and mind.
He desires with his nose, his lips, his hands and his tongue,
his eyes, his ears, and with the tips of his toes.
Not unlike the fantastic houses we used to build between periods.
Not unlike the make-believe we used to play during recess.
So, my friend, let's make-believe one last time:
I'll pretend to be a woman,
and you'll pretend to be in love,
and I'll finally find myself in your warm embrace.

I´m obsessed with you,
Obsessed with the toxicity
Obsessed with you leaving me
Obsessed with the unknown

I´m obsessed with the dreams about you
The scenario´s i´m creating in my head
Obsessed with the urge to talk to you
Obsessed with the desire to see you.

I´m into you and I always wanted you,
You cutting me off, made me even want you more,
And I´m obsessed with all of you.

I´m obsessed with your dominance,
I´m obsessed with how you know what you want,
I´m obsessed with the way you flirt,
The way you have your life put together.

Will this obsession ever be over?
It´s a question for me
And a uknown mystery for you...