I once met a man from Kalamazoo
Who bore on his arm an anchor tattoo
One day his lover
Ran off with his brother
Whatever was the poor man to do?

He sat down on a bus bound for Georgia
But somehow he wound up in Maine
And there he said "***** it."
He pretty well blew it
And got on a boat bound for Spain

When the captain was making his rounds
He saw the man grinding coffee grounds
And he saw the mans ink
And he stopped to think
"Is that man a part of the crew?"

That's when the captain's daughter came up
And asked the man if he could spare a cup
When the man met her eye
He nearly did die
For the beautiful woman he spied

High as a weather balloon I flew
That night she bound into my room
She spewed a slur of sultry words
That were surely quite on queue

They knocked me down (slightly)
Like a building collapsing to dust
And tied me up (tightly)
With a line entwined by two lover's lust

Oh but then she kissed me sweetly
I said "Darling, don't ever leave me
alone in my head or cold in my bed
because a life without you
would be nothing
but the darkest shade of blue"

I opened my eyes she got up and left

Mary, Mary, quite Quant
Do you like the font I'm using?


Said Mary
First pausing
Then musing
As was her wont


Now you mention it
No I don't.


How Quantrary.

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
With Bill And Ted
To buy two bottles
Of mineral water.


Jack and Jill
Came tumbling down
Fatally cracking their heads open
And the local council was done
For corporate manslaughter.


But Bill and Ted
Came down on their mountain bikes
With the mineral water
towed on a skateboard.


And having buried Jack and Jill
At an environmentally friendly funeral
They headed for the Amazon
On solar powered surfboards.


Thus they concurred
This was yet again
As vinegar
Bed and
Brown paper-free
As there ever could be
Excellent Adventure.

Pussycat Dolls,
Pussycat Dolls,
Where have you been?

We've been up to London
To see Queen The Musical
Then went to see the mayor
Hid his computer mouse
On his electric chair.

Switched it on!

Not so much PC -
More AC/DC

And then we were gone
On a sightseeing trip
With an aunt and a niece.

Poor Boris Johnson

RIP.

Little Miss Muffet
Sits on her knees
Eschews cottage cheese

Does as she pleases.

No cobwebs
Or flies on her.

Life does not frighten her
Either side or during
Any meal.

And do you know what?

I am not afraid to say
I could write
A graphic novel
About my ideal
New Millennial Girl.