Nothing cannot exist
When there is a lump of nothing, a void of nothing, something always comes to fill it
Nothing  cannot remain, nothing cannot thrive, nothing is not forever
Perhaps nothing can exist, but only for a short time


I feel empty, numb, void of emotion, but nothing cannot exist
Nothing greets existence
The void welcomes anything and everything to fill it
So what fills it?


I feel nothing, I dont care, but suddenly, the world comes crashing in
I am sobbing and the world is crumbling
Everything is so meaningful and impactful, but all in the wrong ways, and I will never recover


Then I am angry, more livid than anyone ever has been
Why me? Who would do this? I dont deserve to feel this way.
I want to set the world ablaze, me along with it

Then nothing,
Everything is fine, I shouldn't care and I dont
Everything is fine, I am void of care or emotion, the world is what it is

I am hollow, and although nothing cannot exist, hollow follows me
The floating, empty, hollow of my stomach, stays
Even when im sobbing
Even when im angry
and especially when “i dont care”

Being numb is “easy”
It protects me from the world and myself
But is it really?
Because nothing, cannot exist

When I feel, it is with unknown strength and uncontrollable power
Overwhelming
insatiable


People say that numbness is empty, aimless, void
They feel nothing and nothing hurts
But I've never understood that

My numbness comes in crashing waves
And it never lasts long
It invites pandemonium and nurtures chaos

But can I stop it?  No
Can I personally invite emotion back? No
Can I convince numbness to leave? Never

I am at the mercy of numbness
As much as I wish I could feel true nothing
Nothing cannot exist

his heart flourishing,
while hers' wilting.
his feelings were a lie,
yet hers was real to get core.
he couldn't care less,
couldn't love unless,
she stripped off her clothes;
offering her body,
for a terrible man like him.
she took it as a whim,
thought it was normal;
then he fell for another,
leaving her in the dust.
she thought it's a must,
that in order to love;
you need to give, and give,
until he's satisfied.
she was never justified,
and passed away,
with a broken heart.

Today I've just laid
In my bed the entire day
Feeling absolutely numb
And that's what scares
Me the most...

I don't wanna go down
That road again

Who thought that
Numbness can hurt so much?

p e r h a P s . y o u . c a n t . s e e . m y . d r e a m s
b u t . L a s t . n i g h t . i . h a d . o n e . a b o u t . y o u
i . s c r e a m e d . f o r . y o u . w h e n . i . s l E p t
a n d . i . b e g g e d . y o u . t o . A n s w er
b u t . y o u . S i m p l y . c o u l d . n o t
b e c a u s e . t h i s . i s . d r e a m . l a n d . a n d . n o t . r E a l . l i f e

i n . t H i s . d r e a m . a n . i l l u s i o n . w a s . f a b r i c a t e d
o n e . w h e r e . y o u . c o u l d n t . h e l p . b u t . h o l d . m E
i t . w a s . l i k e . w e . r e L a p s e d .  i n . t h e . d r u g . o f . u s
o u r . P r o g r e s s . i n . r e c o v e r y . o f . e a c h . o t h e r . e r a s e d

n o . o n e . h e a r s . M y . t e a r s . w h e n . i . w a k e . u p
i . c r y . b e c a u s e . i . k n o w . t h i s . d r e a m . w i l l . n e v e r .
b e . a . r E a l i t y

Embracing my pain🖤

[I always wondered what it was to be cared, loved and be petted. I grew up in disgrace, scolded and treated unwell. I was blackmailed, bullied and forced beyond my limits.]

The childhood which was sweet for everyone was not for me!
Neither appreciated nor saw me as a young girl.
All I was a trash.
I really feel guilt and was I burden always.
Why did you give me birth in this earth?

As days passed by, I was not recognised by any one.
I felt I was a shadow submerged in this dark.
I had no value, and felt like an extra.

Sometimes thought I should have made a full stop long back.

To me childhood was full of responsibilites.
Why did not god gift me with love but pain, no smiles but fakes and at last a life when i didn't ask an one???

Responsibilites and priorities snatched my years of joy till now!
I don't know what its to be a kid nor to be loved by.
I always gave but not got anything in turn neither did I expect cause love can be also one side.

But, all I can feel as days flew by was nothing but emptiness, numbness, no emotion, simply pain but covering them with a fake smile so ppl around me don't get hurt!

Sleepless nights, but no one knows why pillows are stained, sometimes neither I do.
No one knows, how I plead for love, but is forced to act not and strong always.
No one knows how my mood swings but called rude cause I don't wanna hurt anyone at that moment!
No one tries to know cause they think I am cool and my life is perfect which I pretend the most.

Now days are getting slower and nights longer. I don't know where I belong.

I feel like nothing. Though people love me, I am scared to trust, that I neglect them and move afar so they wont be hurt because of me. My heart is into pieces and I know that I can still pretend stronger and fine.

Why, where and how did I come to this miserable world which should have been so simple. Can no one hear the silent cries Or is this the fate of us.

I am being a ghost alive and the shadows so deep in me are leaving behind.

Even I don't know who I am/ for I am suppressed and not moulded, for I am snatched and did not live.

Maybe the curse of birth is the cause and its ok cause its not ok!

Why me? When all i did and still do is place rest of the people first before me.

Why me? Cared to fix people heart from my own flesh

Why me? Thought people were true when they just used and manipulated me

Why me? When my childhood was a grave but still choosing to find peace.

Yes, I lost my HOPE.
And the desire to LIVE.
Just breathing, for the sake of my family

~Varsha Srinivasan 🖤