As a child we wished to grow up faster,

Now we look back and beg to be little again.

You grow numb, growing up was the dumbest wish we had.

We sit and look at old pictures wishing we could go back in time and re-visit that day- that year, that age.

You wish you could back in time to tell your parents you loved them that one day they fought,

Wish you could go back and not be so rude to your siblings,

Go back and say one last goodbye to the family dog, not knowing you wouldn’t see her that afternoon after her vet visit.

Go back and watch the puppy so he dosen’t run into the road.

You didn’t want to tell your siblings it happened. You kept it to yourself.

Now you keep everything to yourself, you barely speak about how you feel and you’re bullied by kids in school now; Oh to turn back times, become friends with that one kid maybe it would be different.

But you lay in bed looking at old family photos seeing yourself and whistling you could back and be the once vibrant kid you were.

Not the numb teen you’ve be once over the years, you’re numb. And you wish you could cry but it dosent flow

Everything is numb

I bought my peace in silver flakes,
from shadow hands in quiet breaks.
They said it shimmered, said it flew —
but gravity still pulled me through.

I lined the stars on bathroom tile,
called it freedom for a while.
It sparkled like a borrowed sky —
but burned like comets passing by.

I chased the night, I chased the glow,
until the stars fell down below.
And when the morning asked for me —
I left in dreams I’d paid to see.

Come first wake,
I bleed.
Pain and suffering
Defile within.
Loving will all,
But receiving less.
Your cries,
Breaking me.
"memento mori",
It's my time.

Two graves:
One for me,
The other for you.
For I , have been living dead
It wasn't fate,it was your deeds.
Had a nightmare,
But failed to psych up .
You lost me, and I lost my time .
Your demise.
We are strangers again.
   [November 23, 2024]

I'm either

Grounded
Or burried
Or floating

And the world is either

Unmoving
Or too fast
Or too slow

It either
Ignores
Suffocates
Or points its finger

And I feel either

Nothing
Or too much
Or numb

I cried in silence again.
The tears streamed down
And made puddles on my carpet floor
I'm lying on again.

I watched the minutes change again.
Somehow the clocks go from five thirty
To nine thirty in an hour;
I've been on the same assignment.

I took a nap this afternoon again.
But I didn't even turn out the lights,
I don't know if i fell asleep
Or if I was just falling like I was the rest of the day.

My sweatshirt sleeves are wet again.
It's too hot out to wear long sleeves
But I sweat through it anyway;
I'm just cold.

My room is scattered with mess again.
Bugs crawling, biting at my legs
As I'm lying in my bed, awake,
Because I'm living a nightmare.

I'm not happy anymore.
But don't think I ever was,
I'm not sad, not quite,
Don't know who this world was made for...

But I don't think for me.

i always tried to do the most with my time,
not anything productive- just something fun,
entertaining,
to cover up the fact that i’m mourning someone who still walks this earth.

my concept of “happiness” isn’t the usual one,
it might be rather depressing for some.
i think i wanted to say so many things, but said none.

living in eternal doom has become normal,
elders telling me to dress more formal,
acting like i’m just a doormat.