nightmares every night
all of the guilt and shame of the people everywhere
comes inside me
it forces itself in
im paralyzed to my bed
and i just sit there
inviting it
coming inside
it is so heavy i barely manage to breathe
it makes me huge
fat ballon pushing my insides out
my eyes the eyes of a frog
big enough to LOOK AND SEE
and feel
and dream
your dreams
your pain
"not anymore'' i say to you
" its yours take it
care for it
i need to let go
and to leave... "
so i wake up.






but it continues
manic laughter and tears
every night its the same
in the day i forget
in the night im afraid
in the dreams i remember
ignorance is bliss
so i wake up.




and it starts over

glasses raised high upon your dream
that clashes and clink between nightmares and pretty things

you’re afraid of the noises that they make
so you shut the door, and leave them in the hallway
birds chirping and voice echoing your head

choirs singing songs you don’t admire anymore
rhythm that fades as you steady your step

‘this is what you have to do’
you knitted your fingers as they tangled your hair
very cautious as you held someone else’s hand

once more you tell yourself
‘this is what I have to do’
I have to let go of my perched
that bleeds cosmos when it’s midnight
and the mess of outlining colour when the day meets the end

I have to let go of my old self
and the ones I desperately wished to come back
I have to let go of my worry
and self consciousness when it comes to a hopeless story

I have to let him go.

They knocked quietly again
Asked my eyelids for entry to pass
The threshold of my frontal lobe
Patterned the two doors in twin fingerprints
Can the thoughts from today come out to play?
I reached with fingers crossed
The way I always do
And let sway the weeping willows and
Barren bank of my sedated brain
Wishing for breadcrumbs breaking clarity
seeding lily pads and ponds

But it goes dark
The streetlamp glows monochrome
And the river runs mute
A face appears in familiar fashion
Who are you wearing tonight?
Vapid hand-me-downs in shards of
Visions kept unkempt in your resemblance
Everything I know you not to do
Comes streaming from your eyes
Like every tear that’s ever stung
Learned the taste of a tsunami by watching
The waves peel layers from my skull

It throbs around my throat
I watch as the impossible performs
And the fears take centre stage
Puppets with the same shadows as yours
Identical to all my insecurities
Suspended in my own stupidity
For carrying them down the hallway
warming them by the fire
Expecting them to leave hand in hand
With the waning of the ochre moon

But they forget to close the door behind them
And the worst of them comes to the fore

They don’t always burn away with the sunlight
They can’t wait to come back for more