Restless, dreamless,
I'm lying here awake.
Just another 3:00AM,
Trying not to burn at the stake.

For the witchery, I must play
To lie alone here in my head
Is something others long for.
Even if I wish to be dead.

It doesn't come easily,
Lots of running and being chased.
You grab me, and use me,
But oly if it's below the waist.

The screams escape, as I
Run along cobbled stone.
I know once I awake
All these wounds can be sewn.

Then darkness comes again,
It thinks this time I'll be it's friend.
But I know I just have to survive,
Until daylight comes, and starts to mend.

Consider the darkness in full measure -
Impenetrable and suffocating;
Both protection and prison.

Wrap it around you
And feel the pressure of your fear;
the familiar peace of the terror.

Swallow your screams
Before they break the night air.
Close your eyes
And breathe in the disorientation.

Accept that this is where you live
in the small hours of the night;
Know that there is no escape
from these monsters that live inside you.

01NOV2019

Please stop hurting me at night
Your making me feel not right
I feel so abnormal due to you
So my hardest plead let me go
Free me from your cluthes
Wave me goodbye
Tell me I am a sket one thousend times
While I sleep the voices that scream
But don't play the grousmosue memories
Of a child being *****
I am tired
Of not sleeping
In the fear
That the memory will reappear

I hope you enjoy this nightmare you created
These shadowy figures in wide brimmed hats without faces
I hope that you can survive their icy grip

Why did you have to bring us into this horror
This dark macabre of your own design
I’ll hold your hand through this but I don’t know why

I fell in love with your shadows - the pain dripping from your voice.

My darkness calls out to yours - matching scars of trauma long entombed.

I yearn to hold you when you cry out at night. I wake from my nightmares and look for your face.

I have searched my whole life for the understanding I see when you look at me.

Is it justice, then, that I can never be yours?

25OCT2019

I love you.
No, loved.
It gets confusing, separating my old thoughts from my current ones
Especially when on the same conceptual topic such as love.
Or you.

I love you the same way one loves an abusive parent they've long separated from
I love you with a flinch at your touch
And an obedient and calm agreement at your word

I love you like I love the sharp side of the blade you carved me with
A painful, dulling sensation of my flesh exposing to air
And all the comforts of home ingrained gracefully into the handle you hold


I love you because of the things you've shown me I can do
I love you because I thought you left me with these cursed gifts of knowledge
But last night you returned
And reminded me of how things were

You entered my room, and set my nest ablaze to give yourself warmth
You screamed my name in the same tone and voice you had dozens of times before
You forced yourself into existence by forcing me to acknowledge you and your presence
Last night you returned and reminded me of how things were

Last night you reminded me
Waving your blade in the flames as though giving it a sip of love for good luck.

Last night you returned
You blessed my cursed name by speaking it into the smoking sacrifice you stole from me

Last night you returned
And I finally remembered the bitter taste of fear and love rolled into one
Just as one remembers the instinctual response to a near death experience
Or the lullaby of a sobbing mother frantically trying to get her young to sleep

Last night you returned
And I cried with tears of breathless silence because I did not want to stir your presence away nor keep it close
I cried with frozen tears of fear and terror
As you whispered your sweet nothings and filled my mind with hollow promises
Of a fantasy world
All the while dragging the blade across the top of my spine

I love you.
No, I did love you.
And now you've returned
And I fear our next meeting as one fears the loving fist of their abusive lover
And I as your claimed soul will have no choice
But to listen to you carefully
As you sing your song of my defiance as a mocking song aimed at my pride
And slice my skin to give yourself another jacket to protect from the cold

I fell
Mind first
Into the churning water

I saw
My darkest dreams
And my sweetest nightmares

Mountain Forests
Driving through the vast forests
Of Central Oregon
Through the wall of trees
I imagine them talking to me

The trees are whispering
Dark satanic rituals
Voodoo mumble jumble
Evil chanting

Then they speak
Loud and clear
Welcome humans
To our world

You think you are
The king of the world
The lords of creation
Masters of the universe?

Soon, all too soon
God and Gaia his daughter
Will tire of you
Their latest plaything

They will discard you
Throw you down
Disgusted at the world
You have made

You took the world
They gave you for your pleasure
This huge wonderful world
Filled with life

You took a paradise
Beautiful, bountiful
Rich and wonderful world
Turned it into a sewer dump

God and Gaia
Are not happy
Not happy at all
With you stupid humans

They will rise up
Smite you down
And turn you
Into dust in the cosmic wind

And we will laugh
and we will be witnesses
at your funeral
but we will not cry

No one will cry
No one will miss you
No one cares about
The fate of humanity

And so you
Will fade away
Into the distance past
Just dust in the cosmic wind

And the trees started laughing
And the birds and bees
And all the other animals
All joined in the manically laughter

Laughing at the prospect
Of poetic justice
For the enemies
Of the natural world

And the coyotes
And the wolves
Joined in howling
Under the light of the full moon

Thus I imagined
Would be the end of days
The end of the world
And the end of humanity



Another Day Another Shooting

another day in paradise
just another day in America
land of the free
Home of the brave

and guns
lots of guns
more guns for all
cries the NRA

yes another day
another gun battle
another white man
who just wants to ****

the President sends his condolences
Thanks the law enforcement
for an incredible job well done
It was horrible

Hate has no place
in our country
and we will take of it
and do what ever we can do

condolences
nothing but false words
empty words
lots of things to do

it is mental illness problem
but he fails to mention
the words gun at all
not at all

and tomorrow and tomorrow
but he at least finally said
hate has no role in country
nothing but prime BS
in my humble opinion

he did not mention
white supremacy
his rhetoric had nothing
nothing to do about this at all

and so tomorrow
I will turn on the TV
and we see
nothing at all

and the dead
will remain dead
the guns will fire again
nothing will be done

welcome to America
land of the free
home of the brave
the End Times Approaches

why do I feel
the end times are approaching
with each passing day
the news gets worst

the hatred grows
the fear grows
the end of time
comes closer to our door

and I fear
the growing power
of the fascists
and their ilk

and I fear
that the world
is ending  soon?Rumors of War

it seems that
we are in the end times
wars, and rumors of war
terrorism all around us

the dogs of war
are restless, just waiting
to emerge from their lairs


to unleash havoc
death and destruction
end of the world

and the leader of the world
our purported president
is every day
becoming more deranged

moment by moment
loosing his mind
as the inner demons
take over

and at such a time
when the whole world
seems to be sliding towards war

Our dear leader
seems determined
to lead us to the ultimate
war of all

world war 111
looms ahead
it could start any day
and nothing will stop

our idiot in chief
from unleashing
the dogs of war