I have gone cold turkey
On many a vice and addictions,
Wasn't nearly there,
When it came to you,
You -a newly seeded dandelion,
In my beautiful garden,
Pulled you out cleanly,
From root to tip,
Far away from flowering,
You didn't even look pretty,
Once a part of a  beauty,
Swayed fuzzy and whispy,
Got kicked and treaded over,
Scattered fragments,
Waiting to seed again,
Pretty on the outside,
Trouble for the gardener,
Didn't even use my rage,
Just calmly uprooted you,
So you wouldn't flower,
Won't scatter anymore,
Spread like a **** again,
But who knows,
Weeds are resilient,
Maybe you'll flower,
In someone else's garden,
Blossom and bloom,
Just to be kicked again,
Always loved a dandelion,
Pretty in the hands,
Prettier when scattered,
So I won't hold you again.

Sensing a presence in my bed
I plead that this is all in my head

My gut wrenches. Heart
sinks
once my eyes fix upon you I dare not blink

Cold, numbness proceeding
I could never prepare for this feeling

You cannot meet my eyes
now they aren’t closed in sleep.

Mirrors to a soul you violated
You ******* creep

Your door wasn’t locked
and I wasn’t going to wait

Not after I sprinted here,
that’s quite a long way

I’ve run 3 kilometres just to see you

Kiss my shoe, be grateful.
Surely I am owed some compensation
For my extensive dedication

I’ll take advantage
the only time I know you’re weak
You can’t set boundaries
when you’re asleep

Your vulnerability makes me greedy
the thought of you subdued,
****. Debilitated and unconscious
Entitled, I claim that time with you

Scene one, Childhood

I never really learned to emotionally regulate,
Taking clues from Nickelodeon more than parents who set good examples,
Screaming fights and bruises and broken glass
Too much drinking, the smell of cigarettes
Moms broken bones
Make yourself small, make yourself gone
They may not notice you.

We played family a lot, curtaining blankets over a bunk bed to block the outside, and in family, I always took care of my babies.

Scene two, 18

I never really learned to emotionally regulate, taking clues from the friends around me more than parents who set any example.
A false father leaving, a mom losing her cash cow
The smell of Arbor Mist and ***** still makes me sick, mom’s incoherent fists still make contact in my sleep, I still wouldn’t have given her the keys.

We don’t play anymore. We’re mostly estranged. But we work. And in family, I always took care of my babies.

Scene three, 28

I’m trying to learn to emotionally regulate, the slideshow of couches and faces of therapists trying to set an example.
A son born to trauma, a marriage of consequence, I’m still learning to love myself, please, the sound of yelling still makes me sick,
I don’t know how to do this.

We are grown now, we are mostly put together. And now we live. But this is my family, and I will always take care of my babies

I never needed you by my side or in my life.
That was a privilege I gave you and you took it for granted. Losing me was the price.
I know my worth and God got me, so, I’m gon’ be alright.
You should have opened your eyes.
Realized.
Either way I guess it was only a matter of time.
I saw through your lies.
You’re a narcissist and I’m on top of it.
I recognized your disguise.
In truth I’m glad I got to know you.
I love you.
I know you love me too.
But, I have no strings for you to pull, I won’t tolerate psychological abuse, and I’m not one to be used.
So, you can’t be you.
I see that you’re bothered and confused.
Maybe you took me for a fool but the jokes on you.
I accepted you and all your ugly truths.
We could have been brilliant together.
Unbreakable & capable of anything. A euphoric pleasure.
Now, none of that matters.
Im closing this chapter.
Ain’t gon’ be no happily ever after.
Best of luck to you my wrong time, right lover.
I’ll forever cherish our beautiful disaster.

Would anybody even notice?
A missing narcissist