My world was once built on a shifting of sand
A fortress of whispers I held in my hand
I guarded its gates and I prayed they would hold
A story of love that was growing so old

But I traded that crown for a different kind of prize
In the service of others, with new, open eyes
I wore a new symbol, a promise, a creed
A red cross of healing for a desperate need

So if you should wonder how I finally grew,
And let go the ghost of a yesterday's you,
Know that a new purpose showed me the light
And led me to love in the stillness of night

-by Majd Saab

he kissed me
by the river —
soft, sweet,
almost right.

but he wasn’t you.
and he didn’t notice
that quietly,
our magic slipped away.

he sent me a text,
still in a haze,
wearing the memory
of my taste
on his lips.

as i read it, i cried.

because i wanted the boy
who broke me,
instead of the boy
who tried.

there’s a reason
i haven’t kept
my photos of her
within reach.
yet, i watch myself
get torn apart
on the pixelated screen
of dreams long lost.

i’m on my knees
begging my brain
to stop doing this to me.

she's not coming back.

love should know better,
than to dress itself in cruelty.

i wear his shirt,
long-sleeve, pale grey,
too wide at the wrist.
it still smells like him.
like oak, sleep, fresh rain
and the breath before the kiss.

i'm terrified.
that my own scent
will settle, and claim
what history stitched.

i'm holding onto it,
as if this is the last embrace
he'll ever give me.
maybe it is.

Dear mom,
I’m a mother myself now.
A mother to a little boy and girl,
and both of them are just like me,
and everyday they remind me
that I was never the problem.
As your daughter I forgive you, but
as a parent I will never understand.

-I am breaking the cycle

I have asked God for thousands of wishes,
None of them were you,
God is adamant too-
She says I’ll only grant the ones
that have no trace of you.

Someone once told me,
"You’re shining. Even if it doesn’t always feel that way."
I in fact, have been feeling that way.

I sit and think about all the pain and problems I've gone through.
Thinking before, "I'm so done. What am I gonna do.??"
I now say to myself "I am so strong for keeping up and fighting my hardest. "

"I'm
so
proud
of
you."

the space in my mind
is occupied by your entity,
merging with mine.
you pose as a false god,
painting me the enemy –
demanding a sacrifice
each time i resist
your quiet reign.

i enabled it.
let you have your fun.
called it inspiration,
called it love.
called it anything
but what it was.
of all my failures,
you were the most toxic one.

i gave you everything –
piece by piece.
you’d cover my mouth
to silence the plea
whenever i sought shelter,
with hands, trembling,
still tied to a bottle
you call the cure.

you smother what’s left of me –
dressed in ebriety,
hiding the abuse.

and i need to say goodbye.
not because i want to.
but because I’ve had enough.
of you hurting me,
of you driving me
to hurt myself.
you’re costing me everything,
and the loss is exorbitant.

i’m not just saying goodbye to you.
you’re exiled.
your velvet threats,
your sugar-coated grip –
banished.
it hurts me more
than you think.
but this time, it’s final.
because i’m not ready
to see the aftermath
if it isn’t.