Everywhere I turn
Is a memory I have to erase
An outline
I can no longer trace.

So i can enjoy life again
Without you
Stained all over it
Covered in your ink
Burned in my brain
Memories, i wish i could erase.
Itd be the easy way,
Then i’d have no pain.

Your ink bled into me
And washed out any pigment i had left.

I see flashbacks all over this town.
The places I go when I want to reflect,
Are places we had some wild ***
Places we talked for hours
And lost ourselves in
Eachother
Uncovering our purpose
Reminding you that you aren't worthless.
While you held me in your arms
And talked about quantum physics
That was so comforting
You stimulated my mind and my body
That's all I ever needed.
I was at ease,
Could have been eternity.

i also remember,
what our days would progress to be.
Your mind
turned against me.
You just want to be mr. teach

Always leaving in disdain
Feeling empty,
Feeling forbidden,
Feeling like I gave you another chunk.
You chucked it up to the dust,
And I called it love.

I’ve given you more of me than i have to myself,
You know im one of a kind,
You wont see me going down the conveyer belt.
This love is rare,
I see the good in you, and the bad too,
I actually see you
And I chose to love you.
Through and through.
Its all I know how to do.

So unhappily happy when im with you.
I had no end goal.
I became so addicted to you,
Even with all the mental abuse.

But when I leave,
i start to feel free.
You only see a glimpse of me.
But I'm still haunted by memories
What we could be

I gave so much,
All you did was take,
Spread hate,
Get irate,
Get me addicted,
And become vindictive.

Now  when I go to my safe place,
The sand in my feet,
The breeze in my hair,
The sun kissing my skin
The veil feels thin

All I see is you here.
Spread across the water
Spread across the sand,
the dirt,
and the trees.
I see a million memories at this creek,
Even though you have always been so mean to thee.

You have bled over everything,

Washed out any pigment I had left.
I just want to get back to me.
The one that Dances,
Laugh,
& Sings.

A lot of unlearning,
And reprogramming,
needs to take place
I'm not in a race,
just need to slow my pace,
thoughtwho knows how many days
It'll take.

Steady, I pave ahead
Purpose, I'm all in.
Walk the path with ease,
With grace.
I know I can't be replaced.
How could i ever forget you?
You will probably never deal with this,
Because you were never there.
Trapped in stagnant air.

I guess i was just someone there.
Someone to talk to,
did you ever try to look underneath?
when you look into my eyes..
your reflection is all you see.

But i see now.
How clear it is to me,
i gave you so much of my time.
You just took from me,
and left me empty.

a lesson, is what you are now.
You taught me,
No matter how much trying,
we are not meant to be.

you were just temporary.
Im sorry for you,
cause youll never find anyone like me.


-klarity

I have gone through life,
But It had no purpose,
A meaningless stride,
Nothing beneath surface,

I have had no goal,
No dreams, no ambition,
Life settled in stone,
A fool on an audition,

In that mindless state,
I have lived for years,
I altered my fate,
Got rid of my fears,

I'm glad I kept going,
Glad I haven't stopped,
This tree keeps on growing,
This soul never dropped,

I wanted to stop,
My meaningless stride,
I wanted to stop,
This life with no pride,

There was an option,
But I never took it,
Life's filled with emotion,
But I do not look it,

I never thought of killing myself,
That was a way I never entailed,
I never thought to hang on a shelf,
I never made a plan so detailed,

I never thought to jump from a height,
I never thought to fall to my death,
To fall from a place where one could take flight,
I never thought to take my last breath,

There was no point of going that way,
That's why I chose to live one more day,
A day in my life, meaningless at times,
A day in my life, a place full of lies,

Now here I stand,
No more beneath surface,
Please give me a hand,
I have found my purpose,

For I found my cure,
For it is to teach,
For it's  to make pure,
What others can't reach.

Finally doing laundry,
It’s been two months.
As I sit and I fold,
Careful not to leave wrinkles,
I can’t help but think,
How many more times will I have to pick up the pieces?

As I drive in my car,
Careful to go the speed limit,
The wind caressing my face and arm
As it blows through my windows,
I feel the melancholy sink in.
How much longer will I ache for what has been?

It’s sunny and the warmth radiates downward,
Embracing my body as if to say “Welcome back”.
I can finally feel it again,
My skin is a part of me,
Something I can feel.
How many more times will I lose this feeling?

I’ve spent weeks in a chemical haze,
But not one of my doing.
My brain had once again said “Too much”
And shuddered to a halt,
Spinning out on its way to a restless place.
How much longer will I suffer this fate?

Everything is different,
But it all feels the same.
I’m coming back now from a tiresome journey.
A blast from the past,
I am still exactly who I was four years ago.
How many more times will I lose my sanity?

As I pick up the pieces,
I can’t help but wonder,
How long will I exist in this cyclical race?
When they gave me the pills,
They gave me a life sentence.
How much longer will I last in this unstable state?

Unfortunately, I know.
This is a life sentence.  
I will always be at the mercy of these highs and those lows.
There will be reprieves from time to time,
But it will always crumble once again. So I ask myself…
How many more times can I pick up the pieces?

A heavy weight lay upon my chest.
But then I gave a sigh. Of both, pain and of relief.
The pain of coming to an ending.
The relief of it all being over.

In the pain, I felt grief.
Of what was.
And of what could have been.

In the relief, I felt comfort.
Of letting go of expectations.
And the breaking of a long-held silence.

With that sigh, the weight was released.
In its place, peace took over.

The root of my pain,
Every stretch of communication,
Breaking my own heart ten times over,
Drowning in misinformation.

Which story to believe,
He said this, she said that,
Some dice have many faces,
Who wears the true hat?

A storyteller spins many stories,
Embellishes to add flare,
Who is telling this story?
Should the reader be aware?

We come back cause its easy,
I know this to be true,
Alas, the road less taken calls me,
This chapter ends with you.