It’s Saturday morning, and even though it’s Thanksgiving break, Lisa and I are in her bedroom, in NYC, studying.

“Ok,” Lisa stops, looks up and says, “give me a *** symbol.”

“I.. I don’t have one on me.” I say, apologetically.

“NAME one.” she clarifies.

“Are there “*** symbols” anymore?” I say, with air-quotes, “Who’s “Marilyn Monroe” today - Kim Kardashian - oooo - or Kendall Jenner?”

“I read Emily Ratajkowski refer to herself as a *** symbol the other day.” Lisa says.

“Is that the model that said she was groped at a naked photo-shoot?” I ask, as I google her.

“Yeah,” Lesa nods, “but it was a naked music video shoot.”

“Do you think I could model?” I ask, as I pose vampingly. “Be unflinchingly honest.” I request.

“Hhmmmm,” she considers, framing me in a finger rectangle pretend camera. “You’re like Marilyn Monroe,” she says, “in a training bra.” We burst out laughing

“Back to the subject,” Lisa says, “name a guy you think of as a *** symbol.”

“Humphrey Bogart!“ I say.

“Humphrey Bogart?? No!” she rejects him, wrinkling her nose, “too old-timey and dead, besides, he was a MOVIE star - come ON, a real one - SAY!”

Michael Gandolfini!” I offer.

“​​Michael Gandolfini??” she says, sounding stumped as her fingers google him.

*I make a dreamy “mmmm,” yummy sound.

“Oh, my GOD,” she says, and looks up for confirmation. “Humphrey Bogart and Michael Gandolfini - HONESTLY, you have the WEIRDEST taste!”

I was shocked, “No, seriously, don’t you think Michael looks kind of soft, cute and.. LUVable?”

She groans, “You’re going to marry an ugly man someday - aren’t you?” She pronounces, shaking her head.

“AM NOT!” I responded, throwing a pillow at her head (a pillow fight ensues).

so many places
I have never been
and never seen
yet they are all here
the world visits me
in my ineptitude
screened
a movie
a moving mirage
expanding like the universe
further and further
away from me
making spaces
leaving traces
my mind fills in
the world becomes picture
framed
Hitachi, Sharp, Sony
so many meetings
greetings
but none of them mine
I am alone
as a polar bear
on an ice cap
a Native American
in his own land
populations explode
and interact
to become lonely souls
the last of their kind
waiting on a final chapter
an end to the movie

DEAR PENPAL PEOPLE, everyone dreams of a movie life that they never had:>


'do you have a movie idea?' she is asked
my piano's stuck on notes that made a blast
'what is your absolute dream?'
no clue!!! I scream
now with that blood reaches my knees when I lie
and shattered glass stains a cry
but one selfish day
of a one grey warning day
on a Storm
out of Vivaldi's norm
I'll make November's violins
spin the veins under my skin
when an alarm's clock won't erase history
nor dust the ink in black poetry
the purple eye
would know a who and an exact why
when a sudden mother's scream won't defeat
the eclipsed expressions or invisible heart beat
nor the recall of empty lines
things that used to be an impossible of possible defines
when a sun's light won't make a memory in sleep swing
nor the unnotice of a summer autumn winter or spring
wouldn't keep the pen's color on a compass' tip
on an adventure of a lost ship
east kills west north kills south
when the kissed would be a clear mouth
to live for the hope of it all
the said would be spit on a train station's phone call
the fall would reach the death quest
the unknown would be unraveled for the moment in rest
but the dream's missing pieces has nothing to do with the recorder
and that is why I would record ONCE then put the puzzle in a folder
**** the ones who saw
burn the **** machine after created in raw
I did title 'Waste Before You Taste' a long time ago surely
some greed changed my idea of mercy
a question to be answered is jeopardy
when no human shall know of there will be misery
when a heart of glass would be dropped and broken
when the darkest thunder of the dream was golden
once the ought to be a secret would be a wonderland stolen
I warned it would be a selfish day
yet you listened and now the death penalty you pay

                                                            ­                              -------ravenfeels

Act as if I'm not moved by movies,
how'd that play out if it's not seen
Flip away the motion,
picture me stuck in a box of a T.V screen.

Why I speak like this,
is a person who often lives remote.
Losing control
as I try to channel every emotion.
People live to have no Parental Guidance,
all live their lives watching in due caution.

We've rated ourselves explicit,
our actions can be offensive content
The biggest of man profits from
the suffering of others.
The world is like one filled with many vultures.

The stage is set,
love in this picture shouldn't be misplaced.
Lights, camera, action!
Give your all of true love,
until none is left.
Life didn't come with scripted lines,
we can't always imitate all that we've read.

BUT,

We all have a role to play,
do be weary of the size
No matter the camera time,
play your role well to the fullest.
At the end of life,
hold high that Academy Award prize.

When all is said and done,
you'll be known as part of a "great people"
Live this one life well, there's no sequel.
When all is said and done,
you'll know, "That's a wrap people"

that feeling you get when you see others living in the moment
you’re there in this moment, but not the focus of it
on the sidelines, you’re like a ghost
you aren’t part of the moment, but you contribute to its existence

like a side character, you don’t interfere
watch as the main characters make the moment clear
you don’t dare to step past the invisible boundaries, fearing you’ll ruin the moment

like a camera, you catch the moment, but you aren’t part of it
it’s like a coming of age movie, except you’re the extra with one line

people say you’re the main character, but you know that isn’t true
the main character doesn’t watch from a bench
the main character doesn’t swipe through stories of friends
the main character doesn’t stand under a roof as people play in the rain

you’re the side character, and you know it
you’re the side character, just living through the moment